A tall, steely, seemingly-unflappable man, University Police Chief Don Grady sees his personal feelings as his last priority at work. His office is minimalist; not much adorns his office walls.

“There’s a certain expectation of how you should be. My job is to make certain that I’m doing the right thing for the university,” he said. “There’s a limited amount of time to deal with personal issues.”

But Grady undoubtedly was affected by the Feb. 14 shootings. The loss was “personal” and he wishes the students killed were still here today, enjoying life and taking classes.

When talking about the Feb. 16 vigil in the Holmes Student Center last year, it’s obvious the night touched him personally.

Grady witnessed many people, some at a loss for words, hugging officers or shaking their hands.

“It was open, spontaneous and tremendously emotional,” he said.

He called NIU “close-knit” and said the community’s response following the event shows strength, courage and heart — “the kinds of things that make you feel good.”

The perseverance Grady has noticed on campus inspires him.

“The most powerful thing is that no one I know has stopped trying,” he said. “We’re pulling together to make certain that we’re better as a university.”

In Grady’s eyes, the shootings always will express the strength of the NIU community.

“I don’t think one circumstance can ever define an institution. What it does do is speak volumes about the character of the people here,” he said. “There’s strength in character.”

For Grady, student Maria Ruiz-Santana, who was wounded in the classroom, embodies that spirit of strength.

“Maria is a very courageous young lady,” he said. “She’s coming right back, continuing to go to school, continuing to push. She’s someone that refuses to allow that to define them. It didn’t define Maria; it just showed the world how much character she has.”

He struggles with what could have gone differently that day.

“I’ve asked myself a thousand times, ‘Was there something we could have done better?’ We are prepared — you don’t get more prepared. But then how do you stop it?” he said. “The best we can do is limit the devastation from someone intent on causing harm. I wish that we could have found a way to detect it before it ever happened.”

Grady strongly defends his response and handling of that afternoon.

“People ask me, ‘You were one of the first ones in the building — why?’ Well, what do you have me here for? It’s my job. I know what it is I need to do and how I’m supposed to do it,” he said.

“Some people said I should have been back at the command post; wherever you see me, that’s where the command post is.”

Grady was well-organized and prepared that day, his co-workers said.

“We couldn’t have asked for a better leader,” said Lt. Todd Henert.

Grady knew what he wanted, who he wanted doing it and how it was supposed to be done that day, Henert and Lt. Darren Mitchell said.

“He utilized his employees well,” Mitchell said. “The preparation, the emergency planning — Chief has always been the person to drive that.”

Though Grady was focused on the job during the shootings, the loss that afternoon shook him.

“I didn’t know them, but they’re part of us. This wasn’t supposed to happen in my house. We feel like we’re not gonna let this happen in our house again,” Grady said, as his voice got stronger and more defiant.

“Mom and Dad are hurting, and ‘Dad’ is hurting,” he said raggedly, pointing to himself as though a second father to the students. “This isn’t supposed to happen — not here.”

As he has been affected emotionally since the tragedy, so has his family which he called “strong.”

“It touches them like it does me,” he said. “I took it personally, so my wife is taking it personally.”

Strength is something Grady continues to gain from others in the wake of the shootings.

“I think if you come through something like that, you have to be stronger. The courage that Maria shows, that makes me stronger. Seeing the room full of people in the student center [at the night of the vigil] — that makes me stronger. I was able to get over the wall because of others’ strength. That makes it kind of neat,” he said with a smile.