The TV goes off the air, and a faint voice on the radio says “The bodies of the recently deceased are coming back to life and attacking the living.” And as if things could get worse, you are stuck in DeKalb.

Could you make it out, or would you eventually become one of the undead masses?

Well, with my fail-safe guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse in DeKalb, you will have a chance.

1. Forget your significant other

I couldn’t care less if she had 4 p.m. class in DuSable, she is a zombie now, and trying to save her is a colossal waste of time.

2. Avoid campus at all costs

Places like Zulauf Hall and the Holmes Student Center are traps in that they are really high up and only have one way out. Should that area get blocked by the undead, it’s jump or become dinner. A campus this big would be swarming with zombies, so getting far away would be a good idea.

3. Find a weapon

Unless you are a card-carrying NRA member, do not waste your time with guns. By the time you could fire off a successful head shot, the zombie would be so close that your fear could get the best of you. See if you can find something lightweight like a baseball bat. Do not try to be Ving Rhames, just try to be the guy who makes it out alive.

4. Fortify yourself

Locking yourself somewhere seems smart and is likely the most viable option. However, don’t forget that we all need to eat and drink. So, when you fortify yourself, make sure you know how to get yourself the nourishment you need to wait for the whole thing to blow over (hint: not the Winchester).

5. Good luck, you’re going to need it.

Play it safe, do not take unnecessary risks. Listen to your radio for emergency broadcasts and, above all, try to stay alive until the proper measures are taken to end the zombie threat.