Paris Hilton is looking for a new BFF, and she’s invading our airwaves to find one.

Wow, just wow.

The new reality show, “Paris Hilton’s New BFF,” will air tonight on MTV. Before the airing, viewers are hereby advised to stock up on canned soup and bottled water to prepare for the oncoming apocalypse.

Afterward, you see, the world will inevitably come to an end when it realizes its inhabitants care about Paris Hilton way too much, and Mother Earth will put everybody out of their misery.

It’s funny; you think I’m kidding.

According to a Sept. 23 article on film.com, the top item on Paris’ BFF requirements checklist is “likes the color pink.”

Seriously?

OMG, my brain nearly just exploded from overload of idiocy. Rather, I might have to claw my eyes out so that they’re spared from a more painful fate.

As if the world weren’t dumbed down enough. So Paris wants to find someone to fill Nicole Ritchie’s shoes? Since when does this mean the world has to watch? I suppose the 2008 presidential election might have America’s finest thirst for mind-numbing, intelligence-dwindling astuteness. Understandable, I suppose. It’s not every day they’re forced to actually think. LOL, that would be, like, really funny if they actually had to pay attention.

America doesn’t need any more Paris Hilton dramas, Paris Hilton-inspired doggy suits (that poor animal of hers) or Paris Hilton private shots. For the love of all things not pink and not sparkly, spare those plagued with the burden of intelligence. Stop the idiotic TV shows and allow our brains to un-prune.

I’m off to de-bug my brain. It, like, totally needs it.