Anything with fabio on the cover

By Middle-aged women everywhere

It doesn’t matter if the “Declaration of Independence” gets re-issued with his flowing locks on the front. The Italian is immediate grounds for dismissal.

“The Davinci code”

By Dan Brown

It’s an interesting story. But people have taken this fanaticism to the extreme. Many believe it is 100 percent factual — including Brown. Plus, the guy’s prose sucks.

“Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone”

By J.K. Rowling

Anything that can get millions of preteens to sit and read a 600-page book with no pictures has got to be evil. Those kids should be pounding Pixie Sticks and numbing their brains with Playstation.