Level 1 1-2 drinks “Anti-social drinker“You are not very social. You are the person at the party who is nursing their drink and most likely looking at the bookshelf just so you do not have to talk to anyone at the party. People who are on higher levels than you try to talk to you, but all you can do is talk about Moby Dick and the new Ashlee Simpson CD. You, at the moment, have no friends at this party.

Level 23-5 drinks “Woo-hoo drinker“You have enough drinks in you that you are all loosey goosey. You have a slight buzz from your drinks and have stepped away from the bookshelf. You are starting to make a few friends, but people are still uneasy to talk to you because you are running around the house, throwing your hands up in the air and yelling “TOUCHDOWN.” People who are on your level think this is the most hilarious thing they have seen in the past 30 seconds and begin to join your supposed fun. People are already planning to ignore you the rest of the night.

Level 36-8 drinks “Slurred celebrity impersonator drinker“You are not making sense to anyone. You have gone from touchdowns to trying to impersonate celebrities. And not even good celebrities. You go up to every fifth person you see and say, “Heyyyyy man. Ya wanna see my Corey Feldman talky talk?” To which the person replies with, well actually, they just punch you in the face. You will probably spend a good 15 minutes on the ground because of your love for a failed child actor.

Level 49-12 drinks “Overly affectionate drinker“You have always been fond of cheesy pick-up lines. Now with the amount of drinks you have had, it’s the only time you have the courage to use them. However, when you go up to use them on someone, you end up forgetting them. This leads to you trying to make out with them. You will get turned down at least five times, but one person will find your T-shirt that says “Dance Contest Winner” funny and give you the time of day. You two become boyfriend and girlfriend for all of 15 minutes, but break up because you found out she doesn’t like the Ashlee Simpson CD you talked about in level one.

Level 513 drinks-blackout “Vomit king drinker“You are now hugging the keg which you have affectionately named Teddy. People are trying to fill their cups up, but you claim they are trying to kill Teddy by draining him dry. Most people have found other sources of drinks because they do not want to walk over the pile of puke you have made. You have named the puke Skippy. You and Skippy have become best friends because you now claim Teddy cheated on you with a red cup.