Over the past 24 hours I have become an enraged human being. Not enraged to the point where I want to start whipping copper Abe Lincoln’s at my roommate. No, more enraged like Debbie Rowe finding out she really was the mother of Michael Jackson’s children, but finding out she has a bit of financial security if Jackson promises to stay out of Chuck E. Cheese’s across the country.

Now I know many of you are thinking, why is this guy so angry? Well, a college kid in Des Moines, Iowa made me this way. He got his 15 minutes of fame over a ridiculous idea.

This kid tried to see if it was possible to stay inside a Wal-Mart for one week straight.

He spent his time perusing magazines, playing video games, watching DVDs from a display, taking naps in toilet stalls and lawn and garden chairs setup on display, and eating from the in-store Subway shop this retail store had available 24 hours a day. He had at his disposal virtually everything he needed to survive a weeklong mission of courageous proportions. Did he succeed?

No.

Forty-one hours later, he got “sweepy” to the point of exhaustion and people started to point fingers at him so he decided to call it quits. But you know what I hear?

“Mommy, will you come pick me up? All the kids are pointing at me and whispering things about me. I think they might have called me a loser.”

Sorry kid, you kind of are. You had a goal of staying in the largest retail store for more than a week and you failed. You only left because you were tired and thought people were starting to notice who you were. Well duh, you were in the store for 41 hours, didn’t you think that would happen?

You could have at least stayed until you were escorted out or even arrested. That would have made your story a little better.

However, the kid must have been doing something right. He’s been interviewed by virtually every newspaper and radio in the country, been on “Good Morning America,” and had New Line Cinema talk about making his story into a feature film.

Next you’re going to tell me they are going to make a film about a guy who eats fast food every day, specifically McDonald’s, and how obese it can make him after 30 days.

I think the moral of this story is, if you are going to do something, you should do it to your full potential. Do you honestly think any Wal-Mart employees cared that he was wandering their aisles smelling candles, playing video games and using their rest room as a napping facility? No way. I do that stuff every day and they never say a word to me. I think I would want Jason Schwartzman to play me. You know, someone who’s not too cool, but not a whiny three-year-old like this guy.