Editor’s note: Shallow Thoughts is exactly what it sounds like. Every day, the Star will feature musings and rants about anything and everything. You are invited to send your own anonymous shallow thoughts to [email protected]. Also, Sweeps is looking for subjects for future editions of Cribs and Playback. If you think you are Star-worthy, please contact us.

They called me into the conference and I sensed doom/They called me into the conference room and I sensed doom/I asked them what I did wrong/And I learned the answer in this song …

Vote Rambo/Braddock for a much quicker solution to the turmoil in Iraq.

I’ve resorted to heating my apartment with my oven. This is simply the best idea I have ever had.

Why do all the guidance counselors tell you you’re not going to graduate in four years?

Andy don’t dance. He just roll up his pants and does the roca-way.

Sha na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey … good riddance from the Northern Star. You can put that on the board, Yes!!!!

Why do DeKalb bars always let a million people into the bar and only have two bartenders working?

Someone told me that I should get on the Atkin’s Diet today, when I was in the middle of eating an ice cream sundae. It didn’t make me feel too great.

They really should make emergency waiting rooms more comfortable.

Million-dollar ideas … rice ice cream, variety-pack cigarettes and giant cake-size chocolates.

Why do vending machine vendors always put two blue Starbursts in a vending machine when I just want yellow?

DeKalb is the windiest city in the world.

Why do people eat white toast when they could have wheat? Don’t they realize how much better wheat is?

Sometimes, I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst … And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life … You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry … you will some day.