Quote whores. Cheerleaders. Sell-outs. Kiss ups. Free loaders.

The 60-plus print journalists at “The Amityville Horror” press junket have been called all of these names. But for the first time, I was one of them.

MGM Studios offered to fly me to Los Angeles, put me up in the Beverly Hills Four Seasons Hotel and whisk me away to a special screening of “The Amityville Horror” remake. It offered interviews with the movie’s stars, the movie’s director, its superstar producer and even a psychic who claims to have been haunted by the real Amityville home’s ghosts.

This provided quite a debate among my colleagues about conflicts of interest. Why? Because everything is picked up by the studio – the airline ticket, compensation for transportation to and from the airport, the hotel stay. They even throw in $125 per day in spending money at the Four Seasons – what seems like a ton of money, until you discover what things cost at the Four Seasons.

There are conditions when you attend a junket. The studio policy states that (1) you must run a story pertaining to the interviews before the film’s release, and (2) you cannot review or mention what you thought of the film before its release date.

So would it be ethical for a college journalist to attend a free event like this? With these conditions in mind, my editor came to the conclusion that I should go to the junket and write about my experience.

The hotel

Like 99.9 percent of collegiate America, I have never stayed at a hotel like the Four Seasons. The only time I’ve ventured into such places was to interview celebrities for this newspaper. But now, I was the celebrity. From the first walk through the door, I was referred to as Mr. Leshock – a statement that had me looking over my shoulder for my father.

The term “suite” cannot describe a room at the Four Seasons. You get a huge bedroom area and a two-room bathroom equipped with television and phone.

Xanadu would be a better term.

The funny thing about the Four Seasons is that it will do virtually anything legal or ethical for you within half an hour. Want a dozen double cheeseburgers from Jack in the Box? Sure, see you in half an hour. Leave your shoes outside of your door and someone will clean and shine them overnight.

There is no secret why a studio would go to great lengths to put a college reporter in such a situation. In a matter of hours, I was out of DeKalb and sitting on my own outdoor terrace overlooking the Hollywood hills.

But what seems like hospitality can be quite intimidating. If the film is great, you can feel like you’re being paid to feel that way. But if it’s a stinker, the studio must imagine you have a really guilty conscience giving it a bad review.

The journalists

Without question, many journalists make a great living going from junket to junket. Who couldn’t get used to hopping from Four Seasons to Four Seasons, talking with A-list celebs along the way?

Next time you pick up an entertainment section, look at the advertisements for current movies. Notice the critical acclaim in the ads and read the fine print. You’ll notice that even the real bombs receive four stars from some critics. But you’ll often notice the same critic gives all of these reviews. He or she will be credited as a generic source like “Fox-TV” or “CBS Television.”

Many of these so-called critics exist as marketing tools. The studios know most people do not read the fine print – they see it got four stars and venture to see it.

For the first time in my career as a journalist, I was able to meet these sources and even conduct interviews next to them. These are people who get paid to shower compliments on people who often don’t deserve them. They are paid to persuade you to see movies most critics will never recommend.

The interviews

Before leaving for Los Angeles, I was told that as a college journalist, I would partake in what studios call “roundtables,” when multiple journalists huddle in a room as a publicist enters with your interviewee. The journalists have a short period of time – usually no longer than 30 minutes – to fire questions at the interviewee before the publicist calls time.

Upon checking in I noticed the schedule had been altered. Michael Bay, one of the film’s producers, had been scratched. As the director of such films as “Armageddon,” both “Bad Boys” and “Pearl Harbor,” Bay was no doubt the star of the junket.

This news was a severe blow to my story. Many of my questions were aimed at Bay, and his absence really perturbed me. But I wasn’t paying, so what right do I have to complain?

Another stunning setback to my interview strategy was the number of journalists at my roundtable. A whopping 21 journalists were present with only 20 minutes to talk with each interviewee. Assuming people ask smart questions (bad assumption) taking at least two minutes to answer, only 10 questions could be asked.

First to enter was the film’s star, Ryan Reynolds. You probably know Reynolds as Van Wilder or that guy engaged to Alanis Morisette. Typical questions were asked. Are you a horror film fan? Have you set a date yet? Have you seen the original movie?

That last question should have been asked to at least a few reporters in the room.

One asked the ridiculous question, “How is this movie different? Is it the same story about a man battling possession?” Reynolds politely answered the question. He should have told him to rent it.

Other dumb questions were asked: “Do you believe in good and evil?” “Your last film also contained Jennifer Aniston, were she and Brad fighting on the set?” “Were they together at the time?” “Do you think they should have broken up?”

I was able to leak out one question to Reynolds, “What do you think about remakes?” A worthy question and by far the toughest one asked.

“I think there are worthy remakes and unworthy remakes. I don’t think they should remake ‘Citizen Kane.’”

Good news. He was then asked about anything else he thinks shouldn’t be remade. Movie titles such as “The Omen” and “Alien” were spit out.

“‘Texas Chainsaw’?” I asked from the back. I was ignored, probably because “The Amityville Horror’s” producers also produced the dreadful “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake.

Speaking of said producers, they were whisked into the room moments later. One reporter asked if they were working on anything original.

“We’ve got the ‘Texas Chainsaw’ prequel coming up. Nobody’s done a prequel to that series before,” they responded.

Hollywood logic at its finest.

The highlights

The purpose of junkets is not to treat reporters to an early screening of a film. Its purpose is to take reporters out of their everyday, underpaid environments and pamper them like the Hollywood elite.

How elite? I spent Thursday evening in the Four Seasons lounge with a few colleagues. Joining us were Method Man, RZA and comedians Eddie Griffin and Chris Rock. Needless to say, Rock wasn’t too pleased when his buddy Griffin encouraged us to harass Rock’s table. He still gave us a smile and a thank you before telling us to get the hell away from him through body language.

The only chance of meeting someone like Rock in DeKalb would be if his private jet crashed in a local cornfield. To Hollywood, DeKalb is flyover country.

Being treated to a hotel that also houses people such as Rock is meant to create positive press for films that might really need it.

Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Damn you Moneybags.

“Meet the Press” airs every Sunday morning at 9 a.m. with host Tim Russert.

According to the group Musical Youth, you pass the dutchie on the left hand side.

Press-on nails are easy and cheap.

The punt, pass and kick competition began in 1961 by the NFL, and since then has allowed kids who aren’t so hot at football to step onto a field.

The Speedpass that you wave at the gas pump operates on a radio frequency that transmits an identification and security code.

Death Cab for Cutie has a song, “Passenger Seat,” from its 2003 album “Transatlanticism.”

Talk show hostess Jenny Jones was a three-time winner on “Press Your Luck,” a show known for the phrase “no whammy, no whammy, stop!”

If you own an I-Pass, you don’t have to pay double the tolls like everyone else does on the interstate.

To obtain a passport for the first time, you need two photographs of yourself, proof of U.S. citizenship and a valid form of photo identification such as a driver’s license.

A pressure cooker is an airtight metal pot that uses steam under pressure at a high temperature to cook food quickly.

If you pass out for any reason, make sure your roommates or friends don’t have any Sharpie markers on them.

Webster’s defines someone who is passive-aggressive as having a personality disorder characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in occupational or social situations, such as procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness and inefficiency.

Celebrities that have assaulted members of the press include Bjork, Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn and Chris Martin of Coldplay.