Why is it that when the weather gets just one degree above 50, the whole campus seems to come out of hiding? Perhaps it has to do with not getting enough Vitamin D. How should I react to the different groups now surrounding me on campus?

Give me your burnt out hippies, your jump-rope competition contestants, your bagging tournaments and your girls wearing clothing that can make even the Almighty himself blush. On this campus, when things warm up, the students wake up from their drunken winter hibernation (considering drinking is DeKalb’s only winter pastime). As long as you are OK with flinging discs with the barefoot long-hairs and viewing the most skin you’ll ever want to see (or don’t in many cases), springtime in DeKalb is a fairly decent time, and you will fit in fine. So go out and get some fresh air, because the two-wheeled music man is out and winter has gone the way of feeding tubes.

My class gets boring sometimes and by sometimes, I mean all the time. What are different ways to entertain myself to pass the time?

I am a firm believer in getting the big-top clown music stuck in my head. Just imaging your professor riding around on a unicycle juggling vertically challenged humans. Also, try one or more of the following: try to eat your fist, pick your nose and wipe it on the desk of the person next to you, spit bubble competition or do your best bird call and see if any members of your class react. Be careful though, it might be their mating call. Whatever you do, though, remember public exposure is not acceptable. Or is it? I don’t remember. Only one way to figure it out.

I have to go to the bathroom in every single class of mine. Is there something wrong with me, and what should I do about it?

Blame your grade school teachers for your problem. You were their puppets, and they pulled your strings by letting you go to the bathroom whenever they deemed necessary for you. Now you have the bladder of a 75-year-old man because they told you “NO” when you had to make a tinkle. Since you can use the restroom freely like a real boy (Pinocchio joke), you better take advantage of it and stick it to Mrs. White for making you piss your pants and get the nickname Petey McPeester.

Struppendous side note: Send me questions at [email protected], and I will answer them for you.

Views expressed in this weekly humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. If you have comments or a question, send them to [email protected]