What do you get when you combine Kevin Williamson, Scott Baio, Craig Kilborn, Shannon Elizabeth, Carrot Top, an animated dog and Wes Craven?

Yes, a bad joke. But also, a bad movie.

In movies like “Teen Wolf” we had a teenage monster hitting the game-winning shot for the high school basketball team. And who could forget a paralyzed Corey Haim taking the local reverend/werewolf’s eye out with a bottle rocket in the titillating “Silver Bullet.”

There have been dozens of werewolf films, but they all tend to follow the same tired formula. Normal people are attacked by wild dogs. Then those normal people grow hair in really strange places. They get super senses they never had before. They wake up naked in a bunch of bushes. They eat people.

But 1981’s “American Werewolf in London” got it right. It provided us with memorable characters caught in an awkward, foreign situation. American tourist David Kessler saw his friend killed by the beast. But David lived, only to be tormented by his friend’s wisecracking ghost who constantly tries to convince David to kill himself. Did I mention that one of these conversations takes place in a porno theater in the Piccadilly Circus?

“American Werewolf” scared us, but it made us laugh – which brings us back to “Cursed,” a film that tries on numerous occasions to duplicate the laughs of “American Werewolf” yet fails miserably.

Ellie (Christina Ricci) and Jimmy (Jessie Eisenberg) recently lost their parents. Ellie deals with the loss and the struggle of raising her little brother. Jimmy deals with the loss and is tormented by the top jock in high school, a homophobic wrestling stud named Bo.

Bo calls Jimmy names like “fag” and “fairy.” His creative bigot vocabulary is enough to acquire a cool guy entourage that follows him around school, always laughing at his homophobic antics.

Does it come as a surprise that Bo, the king of hitting the mats with his fellow man, is really gay? No, it doesn’t. What comes as a surprise is that Kevin Williamson, the film’s writer, is really gay – and hasn’t a clue how to write a believable gay character.

Oh, I almost forgot. Ellie and Jimmy witness a terrible car crash. In the aftermath, the woman trapped in the car (Shannon Elizabeth) is torn apart by a wolf. Ellie and Jimmy are also cut by the wolf.

Naturally, they begin salivating at the smell of human blood and eating raw meat. After 60 minutes of hell, they realize they are werewolves, and to sever the curse of the beast, they must behead the one who gave it to them. How do they find this out? The Internet!

So is the real killer – whoops, I mean beast – the most predictable villain through the first two acts of the film? Well, yes. But when an even more predictable character appears out of nowhere in the very last act of the film, will he be the real killer/beast? Of course!

“Cursed” is a movie that Williamson’s “Scream” series had so much fun poking fun at. It’s not smart, it’s not scary, and most important in a horror film, it’s not surprising.

What’s certainly not surprising is that the film’s director (Wes Craven) and producers (Bob and Harvey Weinstein) elected not to hold an advanced screening for film critics.

I wonder why.