Despite the recent thermometer readings to the contrary, spring is definitely trying to get sprung. At least according to our NIU academic calendar. All the signs are clear. First, we had the tease day: Sunday. The sun was in full-force. It was 60 degrees. Cautious students ventured out of doors long enough to toss beanbags at a wooden box – and all was right with the world. But then we plunged back into true Midwest reality: temperatures in the 30s, windy, with suicide-grey skies. I don’t know about you guys, but for me, nothing screams, “Spring!” as much as getting a blast of wind to the face, with just the faintest bouquet of grit, sand and rock salt.

But for all intents and purposes, next week really is Spring Break. So, I felt it was my duty to compile a roster of truly crucial Spring Break information, factoids and stuff that your mom would want you to remember.

For those of you traveling to sunnier climates, congratulations! The rest of us are sooooo happy for you! Way to go! Awesome! Neato! I’m sorry, I apologize. That might have been misconstrued as virulent sarcasm. I get that a lot. But seriously folks, there are some very essential things to remember about Spring Break travel, especially if you are leaving the country. First and foremost: just because you are a tourist and look really hot in your bathing suit, and just because you’re throwing excellent exchange rate American dollars around like candy, does not, I repeat, not mean that you are exempt from local laws. There is no adolescent right of passage rule which dictates that all spring break stories must end with the phrase, “Tijuana prison.” And, remember now, while you’re (hopefully) somewhat sober, that the dude with the video camera is not your friend. Even if you believe that you’re starring in a rap video, there is a good chance that you are not. Just because everyone else is taking off their shirts, doesn’t mean you have to. Really, if all those other kids were taking off their shirts and jumping off a cliff, would you? (That’s the something your mom wants you to remember.)

But not everyone can throw in the proverbial spring break towel. There are scores of people who would rather not involve themselves in such hedonistic exploits. While some would label these people “oldster,” “fuddy-duddy” or “Aunt Carol,” I have a much more clear designation. I call them, “Anyone over the age of 24.” There’s sound advice for this group as well. Avoid the beach – there’s a ton of naked kids cavorting around out there. Right, better stay away. Also, if you run the risk of any sun exposure, a big floppy hat can help shield your face from damaging UV rays, and remember that a little zinc oxide goes a long way, but a ton of zinc oxide goes even further. Think: museums! Air-conditioned, quiet and no risk of running into a “Girls Gone Wild” film crew. Well … unless you’re at the Museum of Contemporary Art’s new “SEXualiTy and MeDia” exhibit.

But really, the best advice for all spring breakers is to relax, have fun and enjoy the brief respite from school. We’ll be back again before you know it. As soon as we make bail.

Columns reflect the opinion of the author and not necessarily that of the Northern Star staff.