We had fantasized about going on impulsive scanning frenzies, carelessly bounding down one aisle after another and exercising our thumbs punching in item numbers and quantities until carpal tunnel syndrome began to set in.

For our first gift registry adventure, Michael and I spent an hour and half at Marshall Field’s in the Oakbrook Shopping Center. After all was said and done, we had registered for three things. Okay, maybe a few more than that, but it was a monumental disappointment.

Granted, an excruciating 20 minutes of our time was spent registering to register. How ironic. Another few minutes was devoted to Scanning 101. Our Field’s wedding consultant painstakingly explained all of three buttons on our hand-held scanner while Michael and I sat poised like two thoroughbreds at the gate, chomping at the bit to be released into the maze of glittering china and sterling silver displays just outside the registry’s offices.

Of course, just like Michael’s emotional attachment without TV remote at home, I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting my hands on that scanner. I don’t know why I thought the scanner would be any different. I can think of only one hand-held electronic device I have exclusive rights to and it takes AA batteries.

Thus, Michael monopolized the scanner while we carefully considered china patterns, crystal and sterling silver. The invitations feature both our names, but I think we all know to whom the day, and all associated gifts, really belong.

Okay, I am done with my bridezilla rant. For now.

Registering is an exercise in shedding one’s reluctance to be lavished upon. Not that I had any beforehand, but I did feel a certain amount of guilt registering for pricier items such as our $160 (sale price) Gorham Old French sterling four-piece flatware set. For those of you who have never shopped for sterling silver, that is $160 for a sterling silver salad fork, dinner fork, knife and spoon for just one of your dinner guests. We actually registered for 12 sets, which I am told is an appropriate number for any self-respecting hostess.

We perused the Waterford crystal display for about 10 minutes, gawking at the $7,000 price tag on a glass-encased cake plate. It is hard to imagine what kind of cake one would sit atop a $7,000 stand or who in their right mind would ever spend that kind of money on us. Just when we couldn’t imagine anything more extravagant, Michael scanned a $225 Waterford cake plate followed by a $130 picture frame.

I am working on getting those things off our registry. I don’t want to distract our buyers, I mean guests, from the really important items on our registry, like our $40 salad forks.