If there was an award for showing utter disregard for products someone sold at a store, I would sweep the competition hands down.

The Jack of All Trades is back for another semester of becoming one with various organizations on campus. Although there was no group to hang out with over Winter Break, a special column of my encounters as a retail employee will suffice.

Like many of my readers, I’ve had the pleasurable experience of working in retail during the holiday season. The holiday season brings many chances to help customers – from the pleasure of helping a light shopper with no questions to a raving lunatic wanting to know why we don’t have the product they want. Sorry sir, maybe you shouldn’t be such an idiot and shop on Christmas Eve, but as always, thank you for shopping at our store.

At least the company doesn’t have any blue light special to annoy me – yet. For those who keep up with the news, that is pretty funny.

I most likely put a dent in some customer’s Christmas morning while working this break. It was one of my last days at work and I decided not to work hard during the day. My manager asked me to restock the 10-inch miter saws on the floor and with an eager smile, I complied.

While in the stock room standing a top a 12-foot ladder, a little voice told me it would be a good idea to drop the miter saw.

Why would the voice lie to me?

I just hope Dr. Smith still can cut the wood for little Jimmy’s tree house okay. Just tell little Jimmy Santa is doing shotty work, he’ll understand after years of therapy.

Many products consumers buy from companies have an extended warranty agreement on them, and the company I worked for definitely is not an exception. This company makes a majority of its profit from these warranties. It didn’t matter how many products I sold or the amount of customer satisfaction I gave, if I didn’t meet my quota for extended warranties, I was told that maybe I didn’t care about my job as much as I should have.

It’s true. I felt terrible for not selling that $54.99 warranty on a horribly made $149.99 exercise bike. At this company, your job is always on the line if you do sub-par work.

Then again, should I feel horrible being fired by someone who made their career as a retail manager?

Speaking of people who made me angry over break …

A fellow employee of mine abused the sacred parking spot of the handicapped – a spot where only the chosen few may park close to a building for their convenience. The employee used a family member’s handicapped pass on a regular basis, when in fact, he was not handicapped.

I know this because he told employees of this wondrous endeavor. One day, he tried his luck parking without the pass and made a big mistake.

Another employee and I decided this was not right and made a concerned phone call to the police department stating we needed a spot to park and some degenerate illegally parked in the handicapped parking spot. One hour and $125 later, I had a good laugh.

Thank you, retail industry, for taking a chance on an unknown kid.

Views expressed in this weekly humor column do not necessarily reflect The Northern Star or of its staff. Send questions, comments or contact information to [email protected]