If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?

How ignorant people are about nature.

Example?

People feeding ducks. It impacts in their crop [editor’s note: it’s kind of like a stomach] and they die, which is never fun. It’s slow and painful.

How about Cheetos?

No. It’s still bread. If you want to feed them, give them watermelon. They love watermelon. Actually, it’s better to not feed them anything. Feeding them could lead to overpopulation.

Isn’t that a good thing? More ducks for everyone?

See that’s not how it works. Let’s say students feed them all spring and leave in summer. Then the population that is being sustained on food that’s not in their environment gets smaller because they starve to death. Then they go to the bathroom in the water and it raises the nitrates…I’m sorry that I’m thinking about ducks. I just saw a Muscovy duck. Have you seen it?

No.

I think he has an upper respiratory infection I might actually take her into the Fox Valley Wildlife Center, where I work.

Do you think someone made it smoke?

No, I don’t think they can really smoke. Their respiratory system is different from ours.

So I could give him cigarettes?

I don’t think they could do anything with them.

What would happen if I stuck one in his mouth and lit it?

He’d probably bite you. I don’t think you could get it in his mouth. Not that I am doubting your skills with nature – I am sure you could be very quiet and sneaky.

Are you being sarcastic?

Maybe a little bit. I will give you $100 if that happens.

Fine. When you go to get that duck to take him to the center, you’ll see what I have done.

If people start trying to put cigarettes in its mouth because of what I just said, I’ll die.