Once again, Greg Feltes has saved Weekender. With a great deal of effort and a little bit of luck, I was able to secure a last-minute interview with Dave Chappelle … of Royersford, Pa.

How old are you?

40.

Are you white or black?

White.

Do you look anything like Dave Chappelle?

No.

When you are on the phone with someone and you say, “I’m Dave Chappelle,” do they ever go, “Oh, like the comedian?”

All of the time.

Do you ever get sick of it?

No. I think it’s pretty funny.

Has anybody ever called you and asked for an interview because Dave Chappelle backed out of an interview, or am I the first?

You’re the first.

Do you find that surprising?

That you’re the first?

Yeah.

No.

Wouldn’t finding another Dave Chappelle be the most logical thing to do if Dave Chappelle canceled an interview with you?

I guess.

Have you actually ever seen Dave Chappelle?

I have seen his show.

What do you think of it?

I think it is all right. It could be better. It’s kind of dry.

Yeah, I think his show sucks now.

I hear you. If I were you, I would feel the same way … I actually once called the “Howard Stern Show,” and I got this girl on the phone. I have this business that I am trying to promote, and she asked for my name, and I said Dave Chappelle, and she laughed.

So what’s this business you were trying to promote?

Beef jerky.

If you are really angry and you are looking for an object to beat somebody with for calling you Chappelle, what would it be?

A pound of beef jerky.

Wow. A pound of beef jerky? Like frozen or what?

No. Just dried.