“Twisted” is your standard, below-average thriller that you’ve never heard of. It’s the one that directly rips off your favorite television programs like “Law and Order” but slaps on a ridiculous twist of an ending that leaves the audience feeling stupid for “not figuring it out.”

-Let me propose an alternative. Let’s stop feeling stupid for not figuring these films out. Let’s start realizing that most of these “twists” are so preposterous and far-fetched that no sane member of any audience would come to such conclusions. So, instead of driving home from the theater feeling like a numskull, let’s blame the writers. Come on, you know you want to.

To be completely fair, “Twisted” is actually an exception to the above rant: It can be figured out in a matter of moments. But we’ll get to that.

First, the plot. Jessica Shepard (Ashley Judd) is a hard-nosed beat cop soon to be promoted to the always-respected homicide division. We open the film with her making her last big bust on a well-lighted Hollywood soundstage (actually supposed to be a back alley, I think). Anyway, Jessie brings down this goon and heads to her promotion party. Here, Judd not only proves that she can’t act, but she can’t dance either.

Maybe I’m too hard on Judd. She definitely wasn’t as dreadful in previous pictures like “Double Jeopardy” or “Kiss the Girls.” In “Twisted,” Judd delivers like she’s reading from cue cards. It’s one of the most awkward performances I’ve seen in a film in years. Maybe veteran director Philip Kaufman should be blamed, or maybe we should stop worrying about it and let this movie just go away.

We’re introduced to the usual suspects who star in any of these terrible films. There’s the new partner (Andy Garcia) who looks mysterious and foreign. There’s the mentor commissioner who is giving Jessie the promotion. There’s the rest of the homicide division who hates the rookie for showing them all up. And, of course, there’s the former partner/ex-boyfriend who can’t seem to let the cute little cop go.

So what’s the deal here? Turns out Jessie is quite the nymphomaniac. She likes to spend her nights at local bars picking up stranger after stranger. Just a glance, and you’re in Jessie’s pants — every 13-year-old writer’s fantasy character.

Since her promotion, Jessie’s been going home most nights alone and having a drink from the same bottle of wine. Problem is, each time she takes a drink from said bottle, she passes out cold onto the floor. She then awakens the next day to a phone call, in which her partner tells her that they’ve found a dead body.

Each victim suffers from the same trauma. There’s a cigarette burn on the right hand, and the victim’s face is all smashed up from a blunt instrument. Oh, no … Jessie smokes and likes to smash people with blunt instruments. Is she the killer, or is someone setting her up?

Well, of course she’s not. And if you’re one of those people who would believe such a thing, I’ll doubt that you’ve gotten this far through this review. The twist to “Twisted” can be figured out in roughly the first 15 minutes of the film. Here’s how:

Step 1: Shuffle the evidence. Each night, Jessie is drugged. Why someone would drink from the same bottle that floors them is beside the point. We don’t know who’s doing it, but we do hear the obvious sound of a Zippo lighter slamming shut each time she passes out.

Step 2: Who’s the smoker in the movie? Of course, the film’s writer, Sarah Thorpe, wants to confuse us, so everybody smokes at some point. Well, they all smoke cigarettes, except for one of the film’s biggest stars. He smokes a cigar early in the film, which we see lighted in an extreme close-up — with a Zippo lighter!

Step 3: Now we know who the drugger is, but do we know if he’s working alone? No, but the other prime suspect is seen lighting his smoke with a box of matches. Not only do we see this, but we see it extremely slowly. So, of course he’s a good guy.

Step 4: There isn’t one! After figuring this all out in the first 15 minutes, you are subjected to wait for the hijinx that will ensue when “Matches” finally comes face to face with “Zippo,” while the horny Jessie and the mind-blown audience looks on.

“Twisted” is the worst film that you’ve never heard of. And even if you have heard of it, or God forbid, wasted $10 to see it, it certainly is one to be forgotten. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take a roofied-up bottle of wine to do it.