Anna Beth Payne – Counseling and Student Development Center

Transitioning to college is something that probably has occupied incoming students and their parents for at least a year. The stress of deciding what colleges to apply to, the anxiety about admissions and the ever-looming worries about paying for everything are barely behind you. In the relief of knowing that NIU is the college for you, it is easy to begin to think that the hardest part of the transition is over.

This may or may not be true.

Actually, one of the surprisingly difficult parts of college is that so many questions can be best answered, “It depends.” This answer tends to provoke anxiety.

Should freshmen go home every weekend? It depends. On one hand, there seems to be a persistent connection between getting involved and connected at school, and graduating. On the other hand, students who have strong connections at home tend to feel more confident in stepping out into new situations. And on the third hand, at some point parents really do need to learn to troubleshoot their own computer problems!

Should students tell their parents all about the weird behavior of their new roommate? It depends. Parents can be very helpful in sorting out possible solutions to roommate conflicts, can give a broader perspective and, in general, offer support. Sometimes parents can get overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment, and get the impression that their student has a demon-possessed roommate, when actually the two of them solved the problem but forgot to pass this information along. Solving relationship problems is one of the great learning experiences of college. Just like in elementary school, it’s not a good idea to get parents to do their child’s homework, but a helpful hint can go a long way.

What should the student do who feels different because of ethnicity, race, disability, religion or sexual orientation? Is it best to look for other students who are like you, or to take a chance on mingling with other people who are different? It depends. Getting connected to an office or organization whose purpose is to work with students that share ones needs or interests can provide a sense of belonging. On the other hand, getting involved with a new group or organization can be very liberating and exhilarating. Fortunately, students can do both!

And speaking of relationships, what about students and their teachers? One of the few exceptions to “it depends” is to encourage students to talk to their professors. Most faculty enjoy connecting with students and feeling like they might be making a difference in their students’ lives. Students who ask questions, or even say hello, not only increase their chances of learning something, they are doing a good deed. On the other hand, faculty, as a rule, much prefer dealing with students rather than the students’ parents!

One of the great advantages of developing connections with faculty is that this often helps students who are trying to choose a major. Faculty know a lot about their discipline and related disciplines, and they often know about related career options. Finding a major that is a good fit is another “it depends.” Since the choice depends on putting together information about interests, values, skills and careers, for many students several different majors can look like equally good choices. Talking to faculty, career counselors and employers can help in sorting this out.

Ultimately, the key is the same now as always: keeping communication open. Students who can talk with their parents, parents who can talk with their child, students who can talk to each other and to their teachers: All of these lines of communication contribute to success in college.

What to do if the communication gets too clogged up? NIU has a wealth of resources for addressing all kinds of communication problems, and one person who is very familiar with these resources is the community adviser on the student’s floor in the residence hall. Another option is to contact the Counseling and Student Development Center staff of counselors and psychologists who are available to assist students regarding personal issues, career counseling and study skills.

The Counseling and Student Development Center is located at the Campus Life Building, Suite 200. For information, call 753-1206.

Anna Beth Payne is the associate director and a licensed psychologist.