Saving princess Zelda was no easy task. It required the following talents: precision, skill, experience and the patience of a clock.

Ganon, the head Soprano of Kingdom Hyrule, captured Link’s sweetheart, Zelda. Your job in the game was to 1) knock off Ganon and 2) rescue your hot mama, Zelda.

Soon after playing (and losing) for what seemed like forever, the sweet smell of Nintendo victory was inevitable.

-Fate had something different in mind.

My hard-earned saved game erased itself. Sweet mother of vanity! I spent months accumulating rubies, whipping baddies, collecting items and strengthening Link, who was now a twelve heart monster, a three-headed beast in comparison to the wimpy three-heart hero he once was. My pain, my sacrifice, my expensive blue ring. Flushed down the toilet like every other Chicago Cubs baseball season.

Game-saving lithium batteries weren’t yet perfected in 1987, therefore, the Nintendo Entertainment System had to be switched off in certain ways to avoid game deletions. And as you might imagine, Zelda’s teensy-tiny imperfection yielded enormous amounts of pain and swearing. Lots and lots of swearing.

Alas, hell hath no fury like a Nintendo freak off the deep end, or something. Swallowing my dignity, I restarted the Zelda quest, slashing through the first six levels with moderate ease. The seventh dungeon, in particular those frustrating Wizzrobes, put a temporary end to my Zelda quest. Never being one for patience, I quit, leaving Princess Zelda and Link to fend for themselves.

Then I lost my Zelda cartridge. God only knows where it went. My couch, my friends, Area 51 — who knows?

As the tired cliché goes, time heals all wounds. Link’s tedious journey should have vanished like the morning fog. But it didn’t.

Six years later, an angrier older boy walked into Funcoland. He purchased one item, The Legend Of Zelda for the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Deep into the night and early morning, he slaved the dark dungeons, slaying Tektites, Octoroks and Moblins with an unbridled rage. Dungeon seven was conquered, as was dungeon eight. This young boy, unafraid of failure, bombed his way into the ninth and final dungeon. After stabbing Ganon repeatedly, the evil enemy fell to the player’s swift silver arrow shot. Link and Zelda reunited. There was much rejoicing.

The game was beaten — I was that winning boy. And at that moment I faced a new challenge, a greater challenge. One more difficult than 20 Zeldas combined.

Waking up the next morning for school.