Micro Machines. Where did they go? Somewhere in the crack of my couch, I suppose.

Does anyone remember those commercials that always played during the Bozo Show?

This fast-talking man would say, “They’re always on my mind because they’re one of a kind, oh yeah!”

Oh yeah!

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Unfortunately, nothing relevant was found after conducting a Google search. Does this mean a Micro Machines KGB secretly is burning evidence of a once popular toy fad?

Are Micro Machines really toys? Or do they reveal the secrets behind the murders of Kennedy and Hoffa?

Were these machines, once “micro,” part of a vast conspiracy set up by “the man”?

Probably not. It’s just that no one cared enough to build a Micro Machines Web site.

The only draw to Micro Machines is that they were tiny. They went anywhere (school, home, my sock) and could be hidden faster than an R. Kelly cover-up.

Tiny translated to cool like calculus translates to hell.

Whatever it was about the one-inch vehicles, these little guys sure grabbed our attention and dollars. For Christmas once, my mom bought this Micro Machines car battery that transformed into a Micro Machines hangout base. I was the coolest kid on the block … until it was lost in the sea of my closet.

Then my parents bought me a Micro Machines aircraft carrier. Once again I was Casey Toner, resident cool kid. Of course, the Micro Machines magic faded and Casey became the smelly, unpopular kid again.

From a current standpoint, Micro Machines were just another popular trend. They stand in the stupid fad line somewhere in-between JNCO Jeans (and if you still think JNCO’s rock — take a long walk off a short pier) and those wrist-cutting wristband slappers which were banned in school.

But aren’t they more than some silly craze? Won’t they live forever in our hearts?

Maybe.

But I know one thing — they won’t be leaving my couch anytime soon.