Finals are obviously underway and things around here are getting really weird.

There was evidence of that all over the area this weekend. It was bad enough to find out that the fabled statue of a shaman with a deer head for a hat out on Somanauk Road in Sycamore has disappeared, but then there was the pleasure of seeing a girl stumbling down Lucinda singing a drunken song about how she’s going to fail all of her finals. Gee, I wonder why? People like that fall into a category of annoyance along with people who try to talk to you forever when you finally sit down to study. As I said before, people really need to relax. Not that it will make finals any easier, but at least you won’t stress out everyone around you.

If you find yourself being too stressed out, there are other things to do instead of making an idiot of yourself by using Lucinda Avenue as your own personal Karaoke bar. It’s usually a good idea to take a break from studying and go somewhere, or at least do something besides cramming information into your head you’ll either forget by Saturday or have no use for in the future. Example? To hornswoggle is to swindle or fool. (People who use words such as that are either trying to unsuccessfully impress someone or will soon have no social life if they ever had one at all.) You could go to the lagoon and feed the geese, go to a restaurant you’ve never been to around here, simply take a walk or even go to Farm and Fleet and order a catalog just so you could say you did.

It’s also a good idea to reduce stress by studying somewhere quiet or at least making an attempt to. However, I do not suggest the library. I gave up when I went to do a project there and instead of having quiet in which to concentrate, I got to hear about how wrong it was for Tiffany to scam with Jeff when he used to be dating Amber who got in a fight with Mark who Stephanie just can’t stand. (Don’t worry, the names have been changed to protect the extremely annoying.)

Actually, campus has always generally been pretty quiet around this time since I’ve been here. That is, of course, excluding the occasional rebel who goes ballistic and breaks the sacred vow of finals-time quiet in the residence halls. Quiet hours are one major thing I can say I do not miss from living there.

Although my last column was supposed to be last week, I do swear this is it. I’ve said all I wanted to say, but I would like to wish luck to all the columnists next year because it’s on the verge of the impossible to think of a decent idea each week. (I can obviously testify to that, as anyone that sees this knows.)

Last of all, everyone have a great summer, whether you have to go to summer school, work or whatever else people do. Remember to have fun and live a little. Go ride the new Bat-thing at Great America. Visit relatives. Try a new food. Explore a city you’ve never been to before. Go see the Renfields. Just don’t be one of those people who spends the summer complaining about how lame it is. Life is what you make of it. All the world’s a stage, and any other bad cliches that could fit in here. Congratulations to everyone that’s getting out of here, and to everyone else, peace and see ya next year.