Ask Madelaine: Response to ‘Crushing Hard’


May Taing

Illustration design courtesy of May Taing.

This is the first week of the new weekly column where individuals can send in questions anonymously and get advice on a situation, issue or get a question answered.


I have a crush on one of my coworkers. He’s not even that cute really, just nice and funny. Normally I would just ignore it but my heart skips a beat whenever he comes into the room! The issue is…I’m in a committed relationship. My boyfriend is handsome, hilarious, thoughtful, all the things you want in a man! We’ve been together for several years and I definitely want to spend my life with him. So what did I do about this little crush?


Crushing Hard

Well, it seems like an easy choice to me based on how you described the situation and each individual. You said that you would normally ignore it, but your coworker makes your heart skip a beat. You also described the coworker as “not even that cute really, just nice and funny.” Then you went on to describe your boyfriend and your relationship with your boyfriend by calling him “handsome, hilarious, thoughtful, all the things you want in a man,” and that you want to spend your life with him.

I would also ask yourself why you think that you are crushing on your coworker. Do you think it’s just a random out-of-the-blue connection and attraction? Or is something missing from your current relationship that you are seeing in your coworker? Do you think that your relationship has gotten to a point where you both do not do anything together? Maybe plan a special date night activity or go back to a place you both went to together when you first met, and just remember how you felt and feel about him. 

If you think that there is something missing from your relationship with your boyfriend, I think the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it. Either way, if you have been considering it, cheating is not the answer, as you could completely lose your boyfriend and his trust in you.

The reason you could be more invested in this crush with your coworker is that it’s new, exciting and mysterious because you do not really know what could happen if you were to make a move, but consider again how you compared your boyfriend to your coworker. It sounds like you are in love with your boyfriend but just have a crush or infatuation with your coworker.

I think that you should think about each choice you can make, and for each choice, picture where you think you would be or what that choice would have added or taken away from your life. So if you leave your boyfriend for your coworker, where do you see that relationship five years from now? I think based on how you described your coworker and how you described your boyfriend that it sounds like you just have a small crush on your coworker, but that it’s not worth losing your boyfriend, the person you say you want to spend the rest of your life with.

To submit a question, topic or advice, submissions are taken at the “Ask Madelaine Advice Column” section of the website.