This week’s advice column deals with the topic of feeling like you annoy people and how to avoid feeling that way as well as how to try to steer clear from feeling as if you annoy others.

Hello! Big fan of your advice column I’ve been reading every week the moment I found it! I am seeking advice on one specific thing. How do I avoid always feeling like I annoy people? I tend to be someone who talks a lot, asks a lot of questions, and really always gives my all in every conversation. I would say that maybe I’m overthinking, but in a few situations I’ve been told bluntly that I am annoying. How do I change who I am to not overstep boundaries and annoy people?

Anonymous

First I want to say thank you for reading this column and I’m glad that you are a fan! To be honest, I have felt this way and faced those same comments before, so I understand how frustrating it can feel to not know what to do. 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with talking a lot, asking a lot of questions or giving your all in conversations. Since I am not witnessing anything first-hand I can’t say for sure, but I don’t know if you need to change anything about yourself or how you are around others, or if the issue could be the individuals that you speak to that are saying these things to you and causing you to feel that way.

Think about it for a minute: In those few situations, who has said these things to you, why have they said these things to you and what are your own thoughts or feelings on those individuals?

Overstepping boundaries is different from annoying others, so unless you have made someone uncomfortable, I am unsure if overstepping boundaries is something you need to worry or think about. If you have said something inappropriate or rude then that isn’t being annoying, but airs more on the side of overstepping boundaries.

I think that talking a lot, asking a lot of questions and giving your all in conversations can also be beneficial to you in your professional life and future career, depending on what you are doing of course, but typically being good at communicating with others and being able to ask a lot of questions are seen as strengths and positives within employees or co-workers. 

Don’t think that because a few people may not like you and may find you annoying that you need to change yourself to be liked by them. Take a step back and think about how much you really care about what those individuals have to say or think about you, and know that the people worth having in your life will not judge you, but will like you for who you are.

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