While a great deal of controversy has been printed over the question of the morality of eating meat, practically no examination of the morality of eating vegetables has occurred. Therefore, in an attempt to correct this oversight, I offer the following.

Vegetables are certainly not less regimented in their production than animals. They are forcibly put onto restrictive patterns (such as rows) in total opposition to their natural state. They are “untimely ripped” from the bosom of nature. They are force-fed larrge amounts of water and nutrients.

Their sexual organs are plucked off and offered in strange blends and sauces on the altar of rapacious vegetarianism. Their means and time of reproduction are rigidly controlled with those whose only interest lies in perfecting these helpless creatures as “food.”

Tests by biologists show that, although lacking in animal-type neural matter, vegetables react with the equivalent of shock and pain when they, or any other vegetables in their presence, are “harvested” and/or prepared to be ingested into the gaping maws of “vegetarians.”

The fact that vegetables do not “think” in the manner of animals is not sufficient grounds for the consistent speciesism of vegetarians. Plants have just as much right to live out their normal lifespan in their natural state as any other organism.

It is not possible to avoid this moral dilemma by consuming (or “eating” as it is vulgarly known) only “natural” foods. These are not only harshly regimented by their so-called “growers,” but are unnecessarily exposed to the ravages of “natural” predators and diseases, even though the ability to prevent this occurrence is available to these economically driven sadists

Those with the life-juices of harmless vegetables dripping from their anti-plant, speciesist fangs should examine the beam in their own eye prior to telling anyone else to remove the mote from hers.

In closing, let me forcefully state that a bacteria is a fungus is a soybean is an elm is a rose (by any other name) is a slug is a tapeworm is a virus is a vulture is a cockroach is a pubic louse is a boy, and that anyone willing to eat a soybean (tofu) which never did them any harm is no better than a cannibal.

Dave Ivers

Graduate Student

Founding member

Marxist-Humorist Front