Health Enhancement Services

Dysfunctional families, co-dependents, adult children of alcoholics—these seem to have become buzz words in the explosion of pop psychology books. According to some articles everyone is addicted. If they are not addicted to drugs or alcohol they are addicted to some craziness within the family.

Charles Whitfield, author of Healing the Child Within, estimates that 80-95 percent of people growing up “did not receive the love, guidance and nurturing to form consistently healthy relationships, and to feel good about themselves and what they do.”

Most everyone has some healthy parts within their family in which they received nurturing, support, and acceptance. Everyone also has some negative aspects of their family-areas in which they felt rejected, or a lack of support. When a person does have negative memories, these can sometimes distort the positive ones.

Some characteristics of healthy families include the ability to trust and be open about feelings. Healthy parents can be supportive of their children’s needs, participate in their children’s lives, as well as maintain their own identity and activities.

To become independent adults, individuals must learn to incorporate into their lives the positive elements gained from the extended family.

Completely cutting off communication with parents can reflect adolescent rebellion as opposed to a healthy separation. In a healthy separation a person learns to overcome personal inadequacies, to relate with their peers, to maintain friendships within this new network, and to gradually let go of parent-child expectations.

Jay Haley Uncommon Therapy, 1986) compares humans to other living creatures in the family life cycle. Because humans are much more complex than other species, unique problems may arise for them.

Humans, unlike other species in the animal kingdom, tell their sons or daughters whom to marry, or how to raise their offspring. Parents are frequently reluctant to aid college students in establishing their independence in the college environment.

As a result, the adult children could feel guilty because they are not meeting parental expectations.

If these conflicts are not resolved by the family, the offspring will struggle with them in various ways. Young adults can rush into marriage to get out of a bad home situation, or they can avoid marriage because of their experiences in a dysfunctional family. They may choose not to marry, but focus their energies on a career or other pursuits because they do not want to repeat their parents’ mistakes in mate selection.

The primary force should be “to move forward” to the next stage as opposed “to moving away” from the family. The young adult may want to explore the family’s impact to help understand and clarify the life choices available.