This is turning out to be one tough summer. I can’t find a job. I’m broke. And I’m a die-hard Cub fan.

Not the kind you can pay for. Not the kind where you can get a pretty certificate for your wall and a nifty membership card for your wallet. I’m the kind of die-hard that lives and dies with Wrigley’s Boys of Summer.

I cry when they lose and dance when they win. I’ll wear a Cubbies hat whether they’re winning or losing and can’t stand those fair-weather fans who jump on the bandwagon when the team looks like a contender. That hasn’t been a problem this summer, though. Those folks have “Da Bulls” now, anyway.

Basically, I love ‘em. And while I realize the job of coaching is up to Jim Essian and the job of managing is up to Jim Frey and the playing is up to the Cubs and I couldn’t do any of those things at all, I’m full of suggestions.

Drum roll, please?

The buck stops with Jim Frey, who hasn’t made the greatest of decisions since he hired his old buddy Don Zimmer. If he really wanted the Cubbies to turn around from the misguided times under Dallas Green, he wouldn’t have spent big bucks on aging has-beens.

Of the three highly-priced players brought in this season, only George Bell has been worth anything. Danny Jackson and Dave Smith have spent more time on the DL than the Tribune Corp. spent getting them, if that’s possible.

And if the pitching staff hasn’t been awful enough—there’s hardly a starter among the bunch and definitely not a closer—the old Red Baron, Rick Sutcliffe, has been uselessly hanging around the training room since his Cy Young season in 1984. If the Cubs can’t trade that guy, they might as well cut him and eat his contract. It can’t cost more than the bucks they spent for no one.

The problem with the pitching staff is that they function like middle relievers. They depend solely on the bats, which is like depending on Jimmy Hoffa to show up for Sunday dinner. It seems like Frank Castillo (who?) has been the only pitcher able to go the distance (you’re kidding) in a long time.

And, perhaps most embarrassing of all, they depend on Doug Dascenzo, an outfielder, to close the games! How humiliating that must be for the bullpen boys to realize they’re sending out a utility man to do their work.

Worst of all, he’s kinda good.

But some of the blame has to drop on Essian, whose Cinderella season lasted all of five games. Essian seems to manage this squad like a bunch of little leaguers, trying to get everyone in the game before it’s over. Unfortunately, by the end of the 13th (haven’t known a Cubs game to finish in the 9th lately), there’s no one left. Dascenzo, maybe.

When are the Cubs going to learn to play like a team? The bats usually come on strong during the early innings but fade quick. Occassional bats can’t save weak pitching.

Lastly, the Cubbies need to watch more carefully who they trade off.

As the northsiders limp through the season without a closer, former Cubbie Lee Smith just notched his 23rd save this season. Let’s not let Dwight Smith be the next unrecognized talent to be traded off to glory.

I really can’t wait for next year. Anything must be better than this.