A little bit of a harsh reality is becoming known in DeKalb—gangs.

Yep, the police are saying gang members from Rockford busted a Delta Sigma Pi party for beer. Hmmm, gangs in DeKalb. Granted this isn’t a novel idea. Where there are people, there are drugs. Where there are drugs, there is profit. Where there is profit, there are gangs.

OK, DeKalb is a great place to go to college, but running a drug network? Come on, what would they do on those off nights when tricks are slow and the addicts are happy, bowl in the Huskie Den? Can you imagine gang members wearing those funky bowling shoes skidding down the alley hoping not to land in the gutter?

But wait, there must be something else to do while playing with needles, vials and assorted life-threatening doo-dads. According to the police, the suspected gang members who broke up the party are all under age, so the bars are out.

There’s always the Carl Sandburg Auditorium weekend movies. The gangs certainly couldn’t be any more obnoxious than half the people who are talking, screaming and throwing food already. Then again, what are they going to do the rest of the week.

Oh yeah, they’ll study. That’s right the police said there are even gang members trying to get degrees here at NIU. They could take classes like Vandalism 101, Bad Attitude 201, Assorted Weaponry 301 and Throwing Bottles 302.

Then there is the consideration of turf. Greek Row is already run by a bunch of tugs-trainees and any attempt to run them out of town would certainly result in a few less gang members.

Dorms are a possibility, but it would be kind of a pain to keep up an entire tower. Although, it sure would leave a lot of space for playing Dodge the Machine Gun Fire and Duck! Baseball Bats!! (maybe NIU’s team could pick up a few tips).

Let’s not forget John’s Tower with the fluorescent lights. How could any self-respecting gang member give up a chance at that beauty, huh?

But even gang members will have their adjustment problems. Take this gender-inclusive language thing. How will gang buddies switch from “Hey, babee,” “hot stuff” and “fine thing” to “Hey, members of the opposite sex.” It just doesn’t fly.

Then there is the learning from a book versus learning from the streets. The only thing you can learn from DeKalb streets is how many people chew gum versus chewing tobacco.

And now where are they going to go to get those really cool tattoos that signify a particular gang? Craig Murphy will be too busy fighting the city council to get his ink out for business.

Of course the ducks might be a peculiar change for some gang members who are so used to pigeons ruling the skies in Chicago. But not to worry, at least they make for cleaner cars.

So despite the possible booming drug cliental, DeKalb really doesn’t have a thing to offer gang members. Unfortunately, they don’t need much more of an excuse.

Take some advice, if these gangs are really that interested in DeKalb, you need to stop them before they stop you.