Coolest event of the year award, part one, goes to Otto’s for playing Abba’s “Dancing Queen” two weekends ago. Now if only someone would play Andy Gibb’s “Shadow Dancing,” I could die a happy man. Actually, it was just nice to finally hear music at a bar that didn’t sound like an amplified pillow fight.

Actually I think McCabes should play “Dancing Queen.” Anything would be better than that stupid “Strokin‘” song. If I have to listen to that one more time I’m going to hunt down Clarence Carter and force him to listen to Yoko Ono records for the rest of his days. I don’t care how many times that guy has made love in the last week, just as long as he was wearing protection. I don’t want to have to hear Junior singing “Strokin’- the 2010 mix.”

Like most single students of age, as well as Pete Rose and James Brown, most of my social life recently has been spent in bars. And what fulfilling time it is. I mean, where else can you go to and come back broke, alone, and smelling like you just had dinner at the home of the Marlboro man.

Going to the bars is like living in a Country/Western song. There’s always drinking, women, fights, free cable TV and clean towels. Oh, sorry, those last two are from a “Best Western” motel song.

There’s always plenty of quality entertainment at the bars though. Couples are always fun to watch. Without fail, there’s always the “Paperback Grotto couple” who are jumping each other like crazed weasels, seemingly oblivious to the people around them watching. It’s always fun to walk by and say, “Hey, isn’t that Rob Lowe?” It’s even funnier if you don’t get punched.

Which leads us to another bar regular, the guy who wants to start a fight. This guy walks through the crowd, bumping into everyone, waiting for someone to look at him the wrong way. Not like you could even see eye-to-eye with him anyway—he’s usually about the size of “Webster.” You don’t want to mess with him though, because he’s also usually with a couple guys who look like they’re pro wrestlers.

Despite the fact that everyone seems to be on the prowl, bars are not exactly the best place to try to find the girl of your dreams, though. Besides the fact that everybody thinks everything is a line (Did you hear that guy! He told me to move it, he was trying to play darts! You know what THAT means don’t you!), it’s kind of hard to get to know someone while having to scream in their ear over the sounds of “Me So Horny” or “Bad Mamma Jamma.”

The bars are fun in a strange sort of way, but it’s really the company you’re with that makes the difference. If you’re with your friends, usually you’ll have fun no matter where you go. So don’t sweat it if you’re not 21 yet, there are plenty of ways to have fun other than the bars. So until next time, be casual.