As we get closer to the upcoming school year, the excitement for the semester begins. Many students are excited to dive back into classes, parties, football and other sports and of course, new relationships – something that many freshmen may be excited about.
The days of high school are gone, and with it comes the start of something new – this can be the case for upperclassmen as well.
A big thing on my mind when coming to NIU besides doing well in school was finding someone to love, something that I did not have in high school. Little did I know that I would find my boyfriend in the recitation for MATH 101 in DuSable Hall (a little cliche, I know).
While we have been together for a while now (eight months at the time of writing this), we actually broke up for two weeks not long after the school year ended. For the both of us, this is our first serious relationship, and coming from different backgrounds, we have had to learn a lot about boundaries, what love is and what dating can be as a hopeless romantic in the crazy world we live in.
I may not know a lot, but allow me to give you a little bit of advice on relationships as you continue through the next chapter of your life.
ONE: A RELATIONSHIP MAY NOT START BLOOMING RIGHT AWAY
My boyfriend had a crush on me for two months and I didn’t realize it until the week before we started dating. When we first met, the butterflies that everyone talks about did not hit me right away. However, something in the back of my mind told me that this man may be an important part of my life.
The one thing he and I constantly say about us is how happy we are that it did take a while. It happened naturally. For those two months we got to know each other without any expectations or pressure.
TWO: BOUNDARIES ARE NECESSARY
We were both insanely clingy, thrilled to finally have someone in our corner 24/7 and who accepted us for who we were fully. However, that ultimately led to the breakdown of our relationship before we had our temporary breakup.
When I was at home, trying to have time for myself, he would constantly text me saying that he missed me, loved me, etc. However, I did the same thing. If I didn’t hear from him for 20 minutes, my anxiety would spike and I would instantly text him. We were both broken from high school as we were bullied and had a hard time trusting people who said they cared about us and then walked out on us, especially me.
When we came back together, we both realized our wrongs. I realized that my anxiety got the best of me, and he realized that he let his past get to him. Now, when I am at work, he doesn’t spam me like he used to, but rather texts here and there and waits until I get back to him and vice versa. However, we always make sure to make time to talk on the phone during work breaks, driving to and from work, FaceTime calls when we’re able, etc.
THREE: DO NOT ABANDON YOURSELF
My boyfriend and I both found we were guilty of this, trying to be someone that we thought the other person would like more. I did not realize until he and I broke up that I forced myself to give up a lot of things that he never even asked me to. I spent so much time with him that I didn’t have time to read, write, properly run my business, sew and do performing arts hobbies.
He also gave up time gaming and watching sports so that he didn’t seem like the bad boyfriend ignoring his girlfriend, which I told him was never the case. If I was taking a nap in his dorm and he and his roommate wanted to play games, that was totally fine, but he was always worried that it wouldn’t be. The same went if he wanted to watch ESPN – I told him it was okay, but he was so worried that it wasn’t.
When we got back together, we both said we wouldn’t do that to each other. When he knows that I’m reading or writing, he barely texts me so he doesn’t pull me out of the zone. Just the other day I said I wasn’t going to audition for a show I was planning on auditioning for, and he immediately asked why and said that he wanted me to. When he wants to go watch a game, or if he wants to watch highlights, I stress to him that if he wants to, then he absolutely can.
FOUR: “LOVE EVOLVES AND BENDS”
My boyfriend and I have come a long way from the people we were back in October. We had our honeymoon stage where everything was sunshine and rainbows, times when things were stressful, serenity, a storm, and now, absolute bliss.
As he and I get closer to our one year anniversary, the both of us know that we are not who we were when we first met. The both of us being natural introverts who have come out of our shell so much and introduced each other to new things. I got him into musical theater and in return he has gotten me into “Star Wars.”
He is the person I go to when my anxiety is high, and he comes to me when he needs to vent about personal issues. Whenever a conflict comes up between us now, we are more mature with how we handle it, no longer getting into petty little fights.
NIU, love is never perfect, nothing ever is. There will be good days and bad days. You cannot change and mold someone into who you think they are. You can have standards, and both he and I have risen to the other’s because we love each other deeply.
If someone is not willing to put in the work and the effort into a relationship, they are not worth it. It is okay to make mistakes sometimes, both he and I have many times throughout our relationship.
Do not settle. Your person will come around this year, or maybe next year, or the year after that. Notice the red and the green flags, be open to dating people that you didn’t think you would at first, and always be open to trying new things.
