I’m the kind of person who wants to be friends with everyone and wants everyone to like me. Over the years, I’m grateful to have made numerous friends, but as I approach graduation in May, knowing the friendships I have may fade scares me and – quite frankly – makes me pretty emotional.
Some of my closest friends at NIU graduated two years ago, and we all told each other we’d stay in touch. Today, out of that group, I only somewhat stay in touch with one person.
Even though this was a hard lesson that took a lot of time to learn, I’ve learned that since we are all adults living our own lives, our friendships we have with people may drift apart, especially after college, and that’s OK. It doesn’t necessarily mean the friendship wasn’t meant to be, it just means that we’re all busy being adults.
When I started college, my childhood best friend was still in high school, and moving away from our hometown while she stayed was extremely difficult. Fast forward to the present day and we basically never talk, but I will always consider her my best friend even if we don’t stay in touch.
As for my high school best friends, I don’t talk to them all that much anymore either. They live in a different town than I do and one of them goes to a different university. With how busy we all are, trying to visit each other is hard, due to distance and lack of time.
Growing up, I had a hard time making friends. I was – and still am at times – pretty introverted, so it was extremely difficult for me to talk to people I didn’t know. However, during college, I have really branched out of my shell and made many friends, especially due to all of the organizations I’m a part of. The more I think about the fact that eventually there’ll be an end to all of the organizations I’m a part of, the more upset I get.
However, even in college, I’m starting to drift apart from some friends. The fact I don’t stay in touch or talk to some of the people I used to talk to makes me upset, and makes me question if I said or did something to upset them.
As upset as it makes me, I know that — for the most part — growing apart is not intentional and we are all just busy people trying to navigate our way through life.
There are ways to cope with the potential loss of a friendship or the feeling of a friendship drifting apart.
The biggest thing is having open communication so both you and your friend know where you stand with each other. If the friendship does fall apart, it’s also important that you are able to grieve the friendship and give yourself time to do that. At the end of the day, it’s also important to cherish all of the other friendships you have, according to Thrive Global.
The thought of friendships drifting apart or potentially even losing friendships can affect one’s mental health. It can make people sad or by triggering anxiety or depression, or even affect one’s self esteem negatively, according to Marble Wellness.
Students feeling upset about the shift in their friendships should talk to someone about how they are feeling regarding their friendships, whether that be with family, friends or a therapist. NIU offers free counseling, where counselors may be able to provide advice.
If you feel like some friendships may be drifting apart or if you lose touch with people you consider friends, it’s OK and is nothing to stress yourself out about. It’s just a part of life.
You may not stay friends with people that you thought you’d be friends with forever. It doesn’t mean you hate each other or aren’t friends anymore, it’s just that navigating life may be stressful and present challenges.
Instead of feeling upset about losing friends or feeling like your friendship is drifting apart, we should support each other’s accomplishments and be proud we are all progressing in life.
