Now that the dust has settled on this eventful election year, the first annual Star Election Awards can be given to their deserving recipients. Here, then, are the lucky winners…

The Honest Injun Trophy: This goes to a Welch campaign worker, who truly, honestly doesn’t know whether Royal Crown Cola is a subsidiary of Pepsi, or whether Stevenson North was named after Adlai I, II or III, MacLean Stevenson or the Stevenson Expressway. Here’s hoping her relatives in high Senate places will at least explain the mechanics of vote fraud to her.

The Do As I Veto, Not As I Appoint Plaque: To George Bush, who rejected the 1990 Civil Rights bill because it enforced quotas, while waiting for Senate hopeful Lynn Martin to lose so he could have another woman to replace Liz Dole in his cabinet.

The We Will Remove Even The Memory Of Her Award: To the 16th U.S. District voters who elected Democrat John Cox to fill Lynn Martin’s seat after choosing only Republicans since before Reagan was even born.

The Oops Guv, We Thought You Were Mr. T Award: To the residents of Hinsdale, who were thrown in a Lake Forest-type tizzy when a mysterious buyer demolished a celebrated landmark home to build a new house. The welcome mats rolled out quickly though, when it was discovered retiring Illinois icon Jim Thompson was the new kid on the block.

The Just Because It’s A Party Doesn’t Mean We Have Fun Together Cup: To the local Republicans who, unlike the gregarious Democrats at the Plumbers’ building, chose to celebrate or console themselves at various places, known and unknown, all over DeKalb county on election night.

The Who Reads Endorsements Anyway? I Do, That’s Who Award: To Nancy Beasley, who could not be located for news or comment by this newspaper after Welch’s endorsement.

The Blind Optimism Trophy: To Senator Alan Dixon, who predicted the Harold Washington Party would have no effect on the statewide races. This was before the confusing ballots led to a a dismal Chicago turnout and probably cost Hartigan the race.

The Give That Man A Lit Pipe Award: To Tom Elkins, who graciously decided to begin campaigning for the county board after the election was over, when he would have better press coverage.

The Head Against The Brick Wall Award: To Robert Tisch, who accepted the thankless job of running as the token Democrat in the 76th District race and left the task as thankless as ever.

The No Conflict-Of-Interest Problem Here Citation: To Deputy County Clerk Sharon Holmes, who spent election night hovering behind the scenes while ballots were counted and was able to tell herself she won the county clerk race.

The Drop Off The Kids, Turn Left At I-90 And You Can’t Miss Washington Award: To Donald Westphal of Elgin, who tried to win Dennis Hastert’s House seat and become the most famous bus driver since Ralph Kramden.

The You Can Read Statistics Any Way You Want To Award: The U.S. Census Bureau, who insists Illinois needs to lose two House seats right after Illinois Bell added the 708 area code because of the increase in phone numbers.