“Down-low,” usually shortened to “DL,” is a slang term that refers to men who, while publicly identifying as heterosexual, pursue sexual encounters and romantic relationships with other men.
While there is nothing wrong with being in the closet, and there can be any number of reasons to be, the problem arises when DL individuals pursue these secretive sexual encounters at the expense of a romantic partner, who is none the wiser. Cheating, in any context, is wrong, and this practice in the LGBTQ+ community is particularly harmful.
The romantic partners of these DL men are referred to as “beards.” A beard is an individual who, either with or without their knowledge, is presented as someone’s straight partner in order for them to avoid the scrutiny that comes with being in the LGBTQ+ community.
Sometimes, a beard is just a friend of an LGBTQ+ individual who wishes to be closeted to friends, family, etc. Other times, they are unaware of their position. When someone is effectively used, their feelings taken advantage of, as a disguise to hide their partner’s true sexual identity while their partner continues entanglements outside of their partnership, no number of reasons justify it.
Being cheated on has extensive psychological effects, including lack of confidence, trust issues, shock, anger, grief, shame, depression and any number of other negative mental effects. While again, being in the closet as an LGBTQ+ individual is OK for a laundry list of reasons, whether it be workplace discrimination or family problems, it does not justify cheating.
It’s important to note that additional pressure is put on LGBTQ+ individuals of color. Adherence to gender roles and religious affiliation often makes LGBTQ+ people feel alienated, like they have to hide who they truly are, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
Regardless, cheating is not the solution to this problem. No matter how you slice it, being in the closet does not justify or equate to cheating in any way shape or form. An individual can easily present as being straight while being single; without taking advantage of someone else’s feelings for them, and using them as a mask.
The phenomenon puts the LGBTQ+ community as a whole in a negative light, but beyond that, having a partner completely unaware of their role in the facade is inconsiderate and extremely harmful to them and their health. There is absolutely no reason someone should cheat on their partner, and being closeted is no exception.
