Editor’s note: The following column is satire, and meant to point out the absurdity of the actions, statements and behaviors of certain political figures. The opinions expressed are intentionally exaggerated and do not reflect the opinion of the publication.
The war in Iran is already controversial to say the least. In fact, about three-quarters of voters oppose the idea of sending ground troops to Iran, according to a poll conducted by PBS News.
No one wants to die in this war, and yet a military draft is “on the table.” On March 8th, in a White House press release, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt spoke with Fox News host Mario Bartiromo. When asked about the possibility of a military draft, she gave a political answer.
“It’s not part of the current plan right now,” Leavitt said. “But the president, again wisely, keeps his options on the table.”
The key takeaway is that the military draft is a slight possibility. Although the likelihood is very low, according to a military expert, it is not impossible. Additionally, President Donald Trump himself said he would deploy U.S. troops “if necessary.”
There is an excellent solution to this though. ICE troops should be the ones sent to fight the war, not randomly selected American citizens.
Didn’t the Department of Homeland Security recruit the best patriots to “defend the homeland?” Well, since they are very adamant about defending their homeland, here is the perfect task for them. They would make their dearest president proud.
These “brave and heroic Americans” can go perform their duties and assist the president they are quite fond of. Plus, ICE Barbie Krist Noem did get quite the turn-out of agents before she got fired; plenty of men and women for President Trump to throw into harm’s way.
Unfortunately though, there is a logistical problem that makes this impossible. The fitness test for the army, compared to ICE, contrasts heavily.
They wouldn’t be able to handle the actual labor-demanding and skillful tasks that our military does on a daily basis. ICE is more focused whether or not agents have the ability to chase down undocumented immigrants or peaceful protestors.
Overall, while it would be an intriguing and nice idea to send over ICE agents to fight, it would not be possible because they don’t fit the requirements. If Trump decides to send ground troops to Iran, maybe the new secretary of the Department of Homeland Security Senator Markwayne Mullin can whip ICE officers into shape.
