A few weeks ago Bush and Gorbachev got together to do the summit thing. For most of us that meant annoying news briefs interrupting “Wheel of Fortune.” After it was all over each side gave boring statements saying it got what it wanted. Little did the public know, however, what REALLY happened.

It started out slow, with Gorby reaching out to shake hands with George, only to discover that he was concealing a joy buzzer. Gorby got him right back though, by filling his toilet up with red Jell-O. The first night the two lounged around in camouflage pajamas, eating Moon Pies, drinking Kayo and watching the “Three Stooges.” Bush remarked that if Curly got Key West tattooed to his forehead he would look like Gorby, and Mikhail retaliated by giving him an Indian rug burn.

The next day was taken up with world affairs, but not for the first ladies. Tired of whoopie cushions and cries of “Take my wife, please,” Raisa and Barbara went to get facials. George remarked, “Yeah, I remember the last time Barbara got one of those facials, with the mud pack and everything. She looked great for a few days, and then the mud pack fell off!” The rest of the day George tried to get Gorby to do his Boris Badunuf imitation. In the middle of the formal dinner Mikhail screamed out, “Natasha, we will get that Bullwinkle moose yet!” All the various dignitaries groaned as Bush and Gorby gave each other an Oakland A’s forearm bash.

That night, George and Mikhail cruised the streets in the limo and Bush picked up a bevy of babes with his adept use of “Mr. Microphone.” They made the driver do donuts in the parking lot and then hit the bars.

Everything was casual until George had to break up a scuffle between Gorby and Donnie “New Kids on the Block” Wahlberg when Gorby dumped beer on one of Donnie’s home boys. Things settled down though, and the two “posses” sat down for several rounds of Tequila shots.

This is where I came into the picture. I just happened to be in the bar with a few close personal friends, VJ Martha Quinn, supermodel Cindy Crawford, Bob Dylan, and Bjorn and Anna of the Swedish supergroup Abba. Soon the whole table was playing a huge game of drinking rock-paper-scissors. Everyone forgot about George and Mikhail until Gorby jumped up on the table, grabbed a cocktail waitress and started into a drunken rendition of “Viva Las Vegas.” George started yelling something about Gary Hart and Gorby jumped down before I could take a picture.

OK, so maybe that whole scenario didn’t happen. Wouldn’t it be neat, though, to see two leaders of the world sitting in front of a VCR crying at the end of “E.T.”? People forget that despite their status, world leaders are human beings, just like us. If more people do remember that deep down we aren’t all that different after all, then we’d think twice about bringing people down. And that would be something worth thinking about. Until next time, be casual.