OK, who saw “Say Anything”? Remember at the beginning of the movie, everybody’s graduating from high school and Ione Skye is giving her valedictorian speech and she says to all her classmates that she’s already had a taste of the real world and she’s really scared about it? Remember? Good. Then I won’t have to rent the video and invite everybody over to my place. I mean I got a big couch, but it’s not that big.

Anyway, it’s supposed to be this moment that really captures the feeling people have about making the transition from high school to the real world. Well, as everyone knows, wimpy little high school students never have any idea what they’re talking about, so forget about what she said.

If you’re around to be reading these words, you know as well as I do that something called “college” comes after high school, and it is anything but harsh reality. The rules are much looser, the personalities aren’t made out of cardboard, the way they were in high school, and there are many more places to hide when something goes wrong. That’s why it’s hard to deal with leaving.

You also learn in college everything you need to know about life. All the numbers and facts and dates you’ll ever need you learned in high school. College just lends a little intricacy to everything. It takes your knowledge to a degree at which you are supposed to be able to compete with God or something.

But the intangibles are what’s really important. When you get out of high school you know nothing about your emotions. Passion and greed and love and jealousy are just things that people have on a TV mini-series. When you get to college, your ambition is about the only thing that’s driving you. Both eyes are locked on your ambition at the day you get here, but if you’ve learned anything by the day you leave college, you leave with one eye locked on your ambition and one eye locked on your humanity.

You learn the fun things, too, though. Things like:

The average human body is capable of consuming a staggering number of dorm tacos.

If you don’t pay a phone bill for a really long time, certain people begin to get really pissed off.

The mostly likely time for someone to pull a fire alarm is at 3 a.m. on the coldest night all winter.

Ducks always have the right of way.

Yes, college was quite an experience. “Quite an experience” is kind of vague, I guess. It’s the only phrase that you can use in reference to winning the lottery as well as losing your foot in a lawn mower accident. Anyway, I’m both happy and sad to be leaving.

This summer, I’ve found a job and gotten a taste of the real world, and it’s a taste that’s hard to peg—like somewhere between pork rinds and gouda cheese. But, I’m not worried. I’m sure it will be “quite an experience.”

And hey, I’ll be in the DeKalb area for another year, so if you see me, do your good deed for the day and help an alumnus cross the street.

Remember the Alamo.

The end

P.S.—THIS SPACE FOR RENT