Well, well, well look who’s in Japan. Former western star Ronald Reagan, oh yeah and his most famous role, former president of the United States.

Why is it he is still the star of the media? Could it be his charming personality? BLEET, try again. His overwhelming good looks? P-LEASE!!! His image as the best president since the apple tree was chopped down? Could be.

Maybe all of the other news really isn’t that important. Maybe all the other news only deserves a couple of inches in the upper corner of a paper for coverage. Let’s see.

Looking through the Chicago Tribune, I discovered a small story in the upper left hand corner, page 10, titled “Audit: U.S. lax in check of missing nuclear gas.” Sounds intriguing.

Upon further inspection I find the Department of Energy, run by our beloved government, refrained from fully investigating an incident involving stolen “nuclear materials,” tritium, a gas used in making nuclear warheads.

“Read on,” I tell myself. Well, these “nuclear materials” might have been stolen in order to make a nuclear bomb. Better yet the government has admitted to not knowing where the missing gas is! I think to myself, “Hmmm, what is more important? A trip to Japan or a nuclear bomb,” guess what I decided?

OK, so one story that could use a little more coverage, but lo and behold, right next to the bomb story is a story titled “Water cleaner didn’t do job; refunds offered,” not too interesting, but it couldn’t hurt to read a two-inch story.

WELL, it seems a certain Norelco Clean Water Machine, advertised as destroying harmful chemicals in drinking water, was adding harmful chemicals to drinking water.

For all we know these harmful chemicals could cause some terminal disease and all the owners of the “water cleaner” get is a refund. A few bucks in exchange for a life. Something just ain’t right. But at least Reagan is getting $2 million for going to Japan.

Two stories down, what next? Well there is a story above the bomb story about a Philadelphia mob boss’ son receiving several gunshots in a restaurant by a masked man. So what, right? Anyone affiliated with the mob should realize the consequences.

I don’t think the Tribune is aware of the consequences either. Fact: The mob father is in jail. Fact: Past mob incidents prove imprisonment does not stop the mob. Fact: A father would do anything for his son.

Speculation: Soon there could be a couple of dead mobsters. Further speculation: This incident could start a mob war. Violence in Philadelphia or a FORMER president in Japan, which has a higher priority? Don’t think too hard and the last two thoughts won’t count.

Here’s one that is aptly put in a two-inch space below the other three stories. A Brazilian television personality is running for president of Brazil. This sounds slightly familiar.

Silvio Santos, the Brazilian celebrity, said he has no knowlege of politics and is expected to throw a wrench in the wheels of the election, according to political analysts. Now which is more important? A Brazilian TV celebrity becoming president or Ronnie going on a pleasure trip to Japan? Now that’s a hard one.