One week from today we’ll all be patting our ballooned tummies and saying, “Oh, I’m stuffed…pass the pumpkin pie, Aunt Bertha. Yeah, the whipped cream too.”

It’s that time of year again.

Thanksgiving and the ensuing holiday season conjure up many meanings, not the least of which is FOOD. Eating and baking and baking and eating is all we seem to do from November 23 until the New Year, when we make (false) resolutions to starve off 35 pounds.

My mother singled me out this year as the Official Pumpkin Pie Baker. Afraid that I would embarrass myself and give the clan salmanella or some other life-threatening food poisoning, I practiced my pie preparation last week.

Good thing, too.

It didn’t turn out half bad, but it did turn out half cooked, since I forgot to rotate it in the oven. I just threw out the mushy half and informed my impressionable friends “it was so good that so-and-so ate half of it—imagine that!”

Cooking isn’t so bad, once you get the hang of it. When I ventured into Apartment Living, I was used to Mom’s cooking and two years of Tostada Casserole, Grilled Cheese Italiano and Shrimp Crescents in the dorms.

I resolved to avoid anything in a box declaring “imitation” or “tastes like real —–” and containing ingredients I couldn’t pronounce. Since August, I’ve lived on hamburger and chicken, and have been deathly afraid of anything as remotely domestic as pot roasts and beef stew.

It doesn’t help that I can’t afford such culinary delights—in time or money.

So for all of you off-campus dwellers, here’s Lynn’s Clip-n-Save Cheap Recipes for College Students Who Like Chicken and Hamburger:

1. Spaghetti. Take 1 jar Prego or Rago, mix with browned ground beef and add to one box of generic or store-brand pasta. Tip: cook pasta first.

2. Sloppy Joes. Take 1 can tomato paste, 1/2 cup Open Pit, 1/2 cup of water and add to (drained—fat is a no-no) ground beef. Mix and serve over buns (No sickos, the other kind of buns).

3. Tacos. Buy 1 package Taco Mix ($.60) and follow directions. Easy, huh?

4. Hamburgers. Shape meat into patties and plop on grill or frying pan. Flip when browned. Warning: When handling raw meat, fat scum will be all over your hands and under fingernails. This usually disappears in one to three days.

5. B-b-q chicken. Trim fat off chicken part (your preference), smother with b-b-q sauce and broil for about 20 minutes. Put water in pan first—you don’t want a fire.

6. Baked chicken. Same as above, but skip the sauce and bake instead.

7. Italian Chicken. Follow recipe #1, but substitute cooked chicken (baked, broiled, boiled, whatever) for hamburger meat.

8. Fried chicken. For advanced cooks only. Dip chix into flour, then egg (cracked and beaten, of course), then bread crumbs. Fry in oil until Golden Brown (cookbook slang). Bake for 15-20 minutes.

There are variations, of course. Results will depend on your oven and expertise. If your stove explodes, you burn it or contract an illness, please don’t sue me. This is all for fun, remember?

Besides, on my beef-and-chicken budget, I couldn’t afford it.