The quality of art has been declining, at the same time it has been taken too seriously. The American flag on the floor of the Art Institute in Chicago is a perfect example, although we need not look any further than the grounds of NIU.

For example, the other day I noticed an art class critiquing NIU’s modern sculptures, but they had a problem separating the art from the non-art. Here’s what happened:

“It could be called one of the most significant pieces of the 20th century,” a student claimed.

“Oh my, yes!” another said. “It displays the basic mastery of technique and material. An obvious example of pop hard-core minimalism and Greenbergian formalism. Daring. Simply daring.”

“Daring yes,” the instructor added, “but sensible. A new sensibility with radical overtones. It’s neo-modernity dressed in post-modern drag.”

A construction worker notices the art class gathering around his tool box. “What in God’s name are you kids doing?” he shouts, “this is a restricted area.”

“We’re just admiring this avant garde sculpture,” the instructor replies. “Doesn’t it unleash a compressed sign of physical existence?”

“The only sign I see says ‘Keep Out’. Now you’ll have to leave this area.”

“Is this your sculpture?”

“That’s my tool box, but I’m no artist.”

“You’re too modest,” the instructor remarked. “What’s the significance of the Baby Ruth wrapper; why did you wedge it between the hammer and screwdriver? What does this mean?”

“It means. . .there wasn’t a garbage can around,” he explained, “so I put my tools on it before it blew away.”

The art class started laughing. “He’s very eccentric,” one student said to another.

“Yes, he really gets involved in his work,” another student replied. “He even dresses like a construction worker.”

“That’s because I am a construction worker.”

“Seriously, can you tell us how much your are asking for this piece?”

“Listen,” the worker said angrily, “it’s not for sale! I’m no artist and this isn’t art—it’s my tool box. If you want one so badly go to a hardware store!” With that he picked up his tool box, and walked away.

“You moron.” The instructor reminded the student, “Don’t you know you can’t put a price tag on art. At least not until the artist is dead.”

Patrick Garrey

Communications