Kevin knew Rachel really liked him. He liked her a lot. They met at a mixer, and it seemed like one of those “sure things.” They danced, had a few drinks and exchanged more than few “meaningful” looks. When Kevin suggested they leave to get a bite to eat, Rachel readily accepted.

When they got in his car, they began to kiss. Kevin thought, “She’s really hot. Are we ever gonna have a night to remember.” She thought, “This guy sure knows how to turn me on.”

The kissing began to get hot and heavy. As the touching grew more intimate, Rachel knew they had to stop soon. She really liked Kevin, but she hardly knew him. Rachel stopped the kissing and said, “Kevin, I really like you, but we can’t go any further tonight.”

Kevin was shocked. He thought, “She doesn’t really mean it. She’s enjoying this as much as I am.” He said, “What’s wrong? You know we both want it.” Kevin continued kissing Rachel and pressing his body against hers. Rachel knew what he wanted.

After struggling for several minutes and repeatedly telling him to stop, Rachel finally gave in. They had intercourse. There was no discussion afterwards. As soon as possible, Rachel got out of his car and went home, feeling used, sick and humiliated. Kevin just drove back to the mixer muttering something to himself about not understanding women.

This scenario is an example of coercive sexual behavior. Whether prosecutable as rape or not this behavior as well as other types of coercive sexual acts that do not culminate in intercourse represent a common occurrence on the college campus.

There has been more attention focused on the issue of rape and sexual assaults at NIU in the last few weeks than any time in recent memory. The important health issue here is unacceptable sexually aggressive behavior normally directed at women by men.

People’s perception of what is rape and what is not rape is unclear. Research suggests that there is a continuum of what our culture now defines as normal male interpersonal sexual behavior. This continuum ranges from acceptable sexual behavior to verbal/physical coercive sexual behavior. To some males this also appears to include violent aggressive sexual behavior.

In a survey of over 3,800 college students, 70.5 percent of the women said they had a man misinterpret the degree of sexual intimacy they desired; 21.4 percent said they had sexual intercourse with a man when they did not feel like it because of being continually pressured by his arguments; 30 percent said that they had a man use some degree of physical force to try to get them to kiss or pet when they did not feel like it; 8.2 percent said they had sexual intercourse when they did not feel like it because the man used some degree of physcial force; and 6 percent said they had been raped.

In a survey of 400 students at Washington State University, 5 percent of the women and 19 percent of the men did not define forcible sex or the man’s coercion as unacceptable behavior. Students stated that certain conditions such as, “if she led him on”, “if they had been dating a long time”, “if she let him fondle her”, “if she wasn’t a virgin”, might make it acceptable for a man to force sex on his companion.

The following suggestions are offered for men and women to reduce the risk of coercive sexual behavior:

Men

* Know your sexual desires and limits. Communicate them clearly. Be aware of social pressures. It’s OK not to “score.”

* Being turned down when you ask someone to have sex with you is not a personal rejection. Women who say “No” to sex are not rejecting the person; they are expressing their desire not to participate in a single act. Your desires may be beyond your control but your actions are within your control.

* Accept the woman’s decision. “No” means “No.” Don’t read other meanings into the answer. Males must overcome the pervasive fallacy that a woman’s “No” is but a superficial defense against appearing “easy.”

* Don’t assume that just because a woman dresses in a sexy manner and flirts that she wants to have sexual intercourse.

* Don’t assume the previous permission for sexual contact applies to the current situation.

* Avoid excessive use of alcohol and drugs. They interfere with clear thinking and effective communication.

Women

* Know your sexual desires and limits. Believe in your right to set those limits. If you’re not sure, think about it, talk to others and be sure before you put yourself in a risky position.

* Communicate your limits clearly. If someone starts to offend you, tell them firmly and early. Polite approaches may be misunderstood or ignored. Say “No” when you mean “No.” If that doesn’t work, insist he leave. Or you leave!

* Be assertive. Look and act assertive at all times. Passive, unassertive women are more at risk than alert, assertive women. Men may interpret passivity as permission. Be direct and firm with someone who is sexually pressuring you.

* Be aware that your non-verbal actions send a message. If you dress in a sexy manner and flirt, some men may assume you want to have sex. This does not make your dress or behavior wrong, but it is important to be aware of the possible misunderstanding.

* Avoid giving ambiguous messages. For example, don’t engage in petting, then say you don’t want to go any further, then return to petting.

* Trust your intuitions. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted sex, you probably are. Don’t be embarrassed to make a scene if you feel you are in danger.

* Know how to defend yourself.

* Report any act of coercive sexual behavior to law enforcement authorities. Reporting the incident may help to reduce future incidents, whether or not one chooses to pursue further legal action.

* Avoid excessive use of alcohol and drugs. They can interfere with clear thinking and effective communication.