Oh no, it’s started.

And I am absolutely positive that there are people out there who will know and understand all too well exactly what I’m talking about.

I did the road-trip-thing to South Bend, Ind. last weekend for the Notre Dame v. Air Force game with a best friend and his brother. After the game we met up with their parents and friends of the family to tail-gate. Over beer and styrofoam cups of luke warm chili introductions were exchanged and the small talk began.

That’s when I was slapped in the face with reality and the suddenly, undeniable fact that it had started.

Remember the fall semester, senior year in high school when the first question to follow the usual how-is-school-going discussion was…”Well, so where are you planning on going to college?” Everyone, grandmothers, aunts, brother-in-laws, neighbors down the street, always wound up asking that same question sooner or later. It was the question I’m sure everyone soon came to dread.

Well, have you ever had that feeling of deja vous?

Here I was on that blustery fall afternoon at Notre Dame, standing around eating my Chex-mix, enjoying the collegiate atmosphere and savoring the non-pressure attitude of the day, when it happened.

The question. “So, what are you planning on doing after graduation?”

The scariest part is that fact that it is just the beginning of the many times that this question will be repeatedly asked from now until May. And it is just the beginning of the many times that I won’t have an honest answer.

Ask me anything. How many days until graduation? Who’s going to win the Presidential election? What do I want for Christmas? How many mid-terms do I still have to take? Ask me anything, anything, but what am I planning to do after graduation.

Like a lot of things, I’m sure that the first time is the worst. But it’s OK. Since there is no way to ban that question from existance, I have figured out a way to solve the whole horrible dilemma and even have some fun at the same time.

Last week copies of CAMPUS USA were stuffed inside The Northern Star, and in this magazine was a “special report” rating 101 careers to watch. The perfect solution to my frustration.

Here’s my plan. After reading through the article I made note of some of the more obscure and intriguing occupations. Now these aren’t the only choices, they’re just a start in case I can’t come up with anything better. Then the next time this question comes up, (and I know it will) based upon the time, day and weather, I can come up with one of these options and sit back and see how my interrogator reacts. And depending on who I’m talking with, I can vary my level of shock value.

For example, say you are relaxing after a family dinner and Uncle Harvey with his stocking feet proped up on the hassock and bottom, shirt buttons preparing to pop, asks “Soo…what are you going to be doing with yourself after graduation?” You can turn nonchalantly and reply that you had been considering checking out the market for openings as an actuary. Starting salary ranges around $30,000 with the possibility, if you’re good, of getting up to $500,000 a year.

Or say the nosy lady living in the house on the corner stops you when you’re out checking the mailbox while you’re home for the weekend and asks, “Well dear, what are your plans for after graduation?” Tell her you’ve decided to become a human sexuality researcher. That should do the trick.

Better yet, try this the next time dad wants to know “Now what do you plan on doing with this education I’ve been paying for over the past four years?” Turn and look him straight in the eye and tell him you plan on starting out at $70,000 a year working as an executive searcher finding new administrators for the Board of Regents to hire.