Olympic competition is mainly man (or woman) against Longines.

In certain events, like figure skating, the participants are judged, but the majority of events are set against a clock, which is no longer labeled “Swiss Timing.”

We see elapsed time, cumulative time and air time, of which ABC is giving us 94uu hours this fortnight.

What this means is that in most events there is no defense. The athletes skate, ski, luge or bobsled as fast as they can and hope they are going faster than anyone else while the opposition tries to keep their hands warm.

Hockey is the exception, although it can be argued the U.S. team does not play defense either. The Americans could’ve used Spuds Mackenzie at goalie in the second quarter against the Russians. He looks mighty impressive in his commercial.

Anyway, wouldn’t it be great to have defense in these other sports? Imagine defense in the downhill. That would cause much more excitement and a few more injuries, but, hey, that’s what spectators love to see.

And how about if the figure skaters were able to disrupt each others’ routines. Let’s put some actual competition in these games. The U.S. might still be without a gold medal if Canada’s Brian Orser was allowed to check Brian Boitano into the boards after a triple axle.

The luge and bobsled events could be like bumper cars or auto racing.

Speaking of the bobsled, I can’t understand why the Italians are nowhere to be seen in the standings. When I was younger, I used to go to a theme park called Adventure Land. My favorite ride was the Italian Super Bobs. How could they invent the sport and finish so far back?

Speaking further about the bobsled, the biggest farce of the Games has been the controversy about Chicago Bears wide receiver Willie Gault making the team. Gault unseated Dave LaVigne from the squad and received an all-expense-paid trip to Calgary. Once he removed his football pads, he had the best times on the two-man sled.

The argument has died down now that Gault will not compete after failing to make the first two teams, but the situation still raises a basic question.

When it became apparent Gault was better than LaVigne, why was such a stink raised that Gault had not paid his dues? If No. 83 was the best, then he should’ve been allowed to represent the Land of the Free. He could have been paired with ABC commentator Lynn Swann.

It’s not fair, but who cares if LaVigne or the other guys trained for two years? The Olympics are for the best athletes, not the most dedicated. It’s great when someone overcomes the odds by giving everything he’s got, but they don’t give gold medals for effort, no matter how inspiring the performance is.

Look at it this way. Vance Law is the Chicago Cubs’ starting third baseman going into spring training. Suppose right before opening day, the Cubs sign Wade Boggs. The Cubs say, “Sorry, Vance,” and sit him on the bench without a second thought.

Then again, maybe the Cubs could use Spuds on the hot corner.