My German Professor has mentioned that at any given moment when a teacher is speaking, only 45 percent of those in class will be listening. I don’t know if he’s trying to give me a hint or what, but he may be right.

There are times when physically I am in class, crammed into one of those little desks, but mentally I am off in La-La land—sitting on a warm beach, drinking rum runners and thinking about great social injustices. Things like …

-Have you ever noticed that there is a direct correlation between the number of gorgeous models in a music video and how bad the music is? The more there are, the worse it is.

-Why don’t cats ever listen to you? Dogs do.

-Why is it that the only time I ever make it to my 8 a.m. class, it’s cancelled?

-Why is it that when two joggers pass each other on the sidewalk they will greet each other enthusiastically (even if it’s six in the morning), but two students heading toward classes will avoid each others’ gazes at all costs?

-I’ve never seen anyone wearing a banana clip that made their hair look good.

-What does it mean that more men than women buy “Playgirl” magazine?

-Why is it that whenever I get my hair cut I feel like I have a new lease on life?

-I wonder how much less my electric bill would be if Commonwealth Edison would stop advertising so much about how cheap it is to use electricity.

-Do we really need a bus to take students from Lincoln Residence Halls to DuSable?

-Why don’t grocery stores put Campbell’s soup cans on the shelf alphabetically? It seems like a logical thing to do.

-The next time some guy yells, “Hey, Blondie” to me on the street, I will not be responsible for my actions.

-Why is it that Northern Court is a dinky little street off of Normal? Doesn’t it seem with a name like Northern, it should be a major street running through campus?

-Why don’t the guys and gals on “American Bandstand” dance with each other? I never knew that a television monitor was considered a dance partner.

-Don’t you just hate it when men call their wives, “The Wife.”? You never hear women saying, “The Husband.”

-How come no one wears Izod shirts anymore?

-There is nothing more aggravating than driving a car in the slushy, dirty snow and discovering that there isn’t any window washer fluid.

-Kirstie Ally, who plays Rebecca on “Cheers,” has got to be the most irritating actress I’ve ever seen.

-Never watch soap operas with men. Even though they act like they are not paying attention, they never fail to tell you how inconsistent the plot line is with anything even remotely resembling reality. They really know how to ruin all the fun.

-How come it seems like all the movies on my cable have titles like “Reform School Girls” and “Malibu Bikini Shop”? Is this what I’m paying 30 bucks a month for?

-Why can’t someone make chewing gum that retains its flavor longer, so that after only thirty seconds it doesn’t feel like I’m chewing on rubber bands?

-Why is it that you never hear a priest sing off-key? Do they have to take special lessons, or what?

-Why do people act the same in bookstores as they do in libraries (whispering, etc.)?

-Do you think Victoria Jackson from “Saturday Night Live” will ever be able to expand as an actress and play something besides a squeaky-voiced bimbo?

-And, finally, I’m still waiting for male mud wrestling. Why is it they only humiliate women with these degrading activities?