Cancer dual: NIU wrestler Tyler Argue perseveres through mom’s 2 bouts with breast cancer

By Frank Gogola

Senior wrestler Tyler Argue knew something strange was going on with his family when he would head home over the weekend freshman year.

“All I know is I would go home … and see doctors’ notes on the fridge from like Loyola University and everything like that,” Argue said. “I wasn’t real sure what it was about, and then I just asked [my mom]. And she told me, and then everything kind of started to make sense.”

Argue found out during the spring semester of his freshman year his mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. He said he was in disbelief when he found out and did some research about the chances of getting breast cancer. Women have a one-in-eight chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer, according to www.cancer.gov.

“I was just thinking I don’t know how this could honestly happen,” Argue said. “Like pretty much the only woman in my life because I got all boys: my dad and then my other two brothers. I was kind of thinking, what are the odds something like that would happen? I just kept staying strong about it and just knowing she would get better, and she did.”

Monica Argue, Tyler’s mom, said she didn’t tell him right away because she knew he had a lot on his plate, having just left home for his first year of college and his first taste of Division I college wrestling.

“I didn’t want him to worry about it,” Monica Argue said. “I wanted him to focus on doing what he needed to do.”

***

The wrestling mat is a sanctuary for Argue.

“Wrestling was just something to keep me sidetracked because [my mom] didn’t want me to be worried about that whole situation anyway,” Argue said.

That whole situation — dealing with a loved one who has cancer — was something Argue received support for from others on the team.

Ryan Ludwig, who’s been the head coach at NIU all four years Argue’s been in the program, went through a similar situation when his dad was diagnosed with cancer. The two were able to share common ground, though Ludwig said they never got into talking about Argue’s mom’s situation too much because they don’t like to dwell on the negatives.

“I like to be there for my guys when they’re struggling, and I’ll try to get a sense of that even if they’re not going to come forward with it,” Ludwig said. “We’ve had several chats about staying motivated and seeing the positive end of things. He’s done a great job over his career. Every guy struggles through rough times here and there, not only in life and in school, but with just the tough aspect of our sport. He’s rallied through a lot of adversity, and I’m really proud of him and his career so far.”

Argue also received support from senior Derek Elmore, who began wrestling at NIU the same year as Argue.

Elmore said he and Argue knew of each other in high school although they wrestled at separate schools: Elmore at Harlem High School and Argue at Mt. Carmel. When they came to NIU their freshman year, Elmore said it took a lot to open Argue up because he’s a stoic guy.

The two began to feel more open to each other when Elmore learned of Argue’s mom’s cancer diagnosis. Elmore had been close with his girlfriend’s mom, who died from breast cancer, and he said he and Argue talked about what it’s like to have someone close to you diagnosed with cancer.

“We connected really well because of that,” Elmore said.

They got along so well that Elmore said he unofficially moved in with Argue during their freshman year even though they lived on separate floors. He said they’ve been close for four years, but Argue still doesn’t like to bring up his mom’s situation.

“He doesn’t really show that much emotion,” Elmore said. “You could just tell like he doesn’t really want to talk about it like a lot of people. He pretty much just stays focused. If he’s ever upset he’ll just come in here and get a workout in just to get his mind off of things.”

***

Argue’s parents were supportive of him when he wanted to start wrestling 17 years ago.

“I just basically started after my older brothers,” Argue said. “I was in a bunch of different sports — karate, basketball — and then I just kind of saw my brothers rolling around on the mat, and I was like, ‘Yeah, I want to do that,’ and I started doing it. Whatever I wanted to do, basically they were for it.”

Argue’s parents supported him as he went up the ranks from the youth level to high school to NIU, even as the drives became longer.

“My parents were pretty much road dogs,” Argue said. “They came to everything since I’ve been a freshman.”

Dealing with the college experience, being a student-athlete and having a parent diagnosed with cancer was tough, Argue said. But, his parents were only an hour’s drive away and would pick him up on the weekends if he felt the need to go home to check in on his mom.

Monica Argue said she saw her son handling the situation well although she knew he dealt with her cancer in his own reserved way.

“I think he was pretty strong,” Monica Argue said. “He showed me that he was strong. But, I know that he was dealing with it on the inside.”

Argue’s parents now live in California, and his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer again this past summer.

The process was the same the second time for Monica Argue, who received treatments and had surgeries to remove the cancer.

“Now she’s breast cancer free again,” Tyler Argue said. “She’s just a real strong person for that.”

***

Feb. 6 was a big day for Argue even though his parents weren’t in attendance to see him grind out a 3-2 win over Eastern Michigan’s Michael Shaw. His parents haven’t been able to make it to matches as often since they moved to California, but the day was important to Argue for a reason other than the win.

Feb. 6 was the Pink Out Meet for breast cancer awareness. The NIU wrestlers warmed up wearing pink shirts and the first 200 fans in attendance got a free pink shirt.

“I just think it was real special for them to do that for me and everybody who has siblings or anything like that with breast cancer,” Argue said.

Friday also held importance for Argue because it was Senior Night and his parents made the trip to DeKalb to watch him wrestle. Monica Argue said the last time she and Tyler’s dad, David Argue, got to see him wrestle live was Dec. 29 and 30 at the Midlands Championships in Evanston.

“It feels good,” Monica Argue said of getting to see her son wrestle Friday, although he lost by a 9-4 decision. “We miss him. We miss seeing him. The transition I can tell has been difficult for him because he’s used to seeing his father or both of us in the stands ever since he was like 7, 6, however old he was when he started. So, he is used to us being here all the time.”

***

Argue is nearing the end of his career at NIU. He’ll wrestle at the MAC Championships March 7 and 8 in Columbia, Mo. There’s also the potential for him to make the NCAA Championships March 19-21 in St. Louis, Mo.

Argue is 10-13 this season and 46-49 in his career. While he doesn’t boast flashy numbers, Ludwig said he’s never stopped being amazed at what Argue can do in the heat of the battle.

“Tyler is a very resilient and persistent person,” Ludwig said. “I expect that his goals haven’t changed; he wants to have a big finish to his senior year. He’s working very hard to make that happen. I believe he’s going to get it done.”

For Argue, his focus remains the same as his time at NIU nears its end: It’s all about family first and doing whatever it takes to succeed with no gripes along the way.

“Ever since I’ve been in college, I’ve been trying to be a rock for my family,” Argue said. “And that just means getting a degree and being strong for them. I never really thought about quitting wrestling; it was always just kind of like a we’ll-get-through-it type of thing.”