The season two finale of “Vanderpump Rules” lived up to my towering Sass Certified standards.

The waiters and waitresses of SUR left the best drama for this spicy episode. The whole season built up rumors of Kristen Doute sleeping with Jax Taylor, who is the ex-boyfriend of her best friend Stassi Schroeder. Kristen, you just broke THE friendship rule.

In the first few episodes, Katie Maloney got incredibly drunk and screamed because Jax and Kristen slept together. No one believed her because she was so drunk, but everyone wouldn’t stop talking it. Stassi asked Kristen if the rumor is true. Kristen reminds her bestie she wouldn’t touch Jax with a 10-foot pole.

Stassi then begins to question Kristen and her honesty. The rest of the season is high drama of did-they-or-didn’t-they.

The episode “Bitch Slap” was too much for me to handle. Jax admits Kristen and him “banged” (every member of the show said “banged” at least 10 times) not only once but twice. One of the times was even when Kristen’s boyfriend was asleep in the next room. Jax, are you kidding me? You cheated on Princess Stassi with the troll, Kristen? Anyway, Stassi makes a master plan of confronting the traitor which involves the whole restaurant staff. Stassi convinces everyone that attacking Kristen in public is the best idea and the only option. This is one of the many reasons why Stassi is the queen.

At the end of the episode, Stassi confronts Kristen and tells everyone Jax and Kristen banged. The best part of this confrontation comes after Stassi accuses Kristen of sleeping with her ex. Kristen asks “Who?” Girl, how many of her exs have you slept with? Stassi, after having enough of Kristen’s lying, slaps her in the face. It was a magical slap, and Stassi even had enough time to throw her drink on Kristen. It was nice to see Stassi accomplish one of my lifelong goals.

Kristen grabs her hand and calls her a little girl. If I get in a fight like this, “little girl” is probably not the first two words that will come to my mind. The only hit Kristen gets in is pulling Stassi’s weave, but she doesn’t even pull any hair out. She should have gotten some hair if she’s on defense like that.

“I Lied” begins with Kristen and Tom Sandoval, who are still together, reassuring each other everything is a lie. Tom should understand everyone is not lying about Kristen and Jax. Kristen and Jax are horrible people, but keep on believing them.

The episode builds up to an engagement party at SUR. I was on pins and needles the whole time, hoping and wishing some kind of fight would break out. Producer Andy Cohen must have heard my prayers. As Jax talks to everyone, Tom walks over wanting to talk to him and punches Jax in the face.

Yes! Nothing can top this except for the rest of the fight scene. Jax somehow falls on the floor. How did you fall, Jax? You were sitting. He gets up and his face is covered in blood and has a crazed look of a serial killer picking out his next victim. One of the waitresses, Scheana Marie (whose engagement party this is. Are we having fun yet?), gets knocked in the face. After the fight, Scheana sobs and tells SUR owner Lisa Vanderpump how she just had surgery on her tooth that day and someone hit her. Stop it, Your weird dead tooth is fine, probably. Someone off screen said “Why are you smiling, Jax?” Naturally, the camera is like a bad horror movie and can’t focus on anything. There is too much going on, and I need to see all of it.

Girls are crying, Jax is bleeding and laughing like a lunatic and Kristen and Tom walk away because they are still dating, Well, I think. It wasn’t really clear. I hope for their sanity, they break up because they are not cute. Monday is the reunion episode, and I can’t wait to watch this hot mess. This season finale passed my Sass Certified requirements.