If you’re like me, you’ve probably seen at least one Disney movie. Also like me, you’re absolutely in love with them.

However, have you ever taken a moment to think about the misconceptions that Disney movies are promoting to the children (and adults) who watch them?

There are five that I’ve noticed over the years and I feel the need to address them in hopes that I’m not just a paranoid old Disney Scrooge.

1. All stepmothers are evil, practice magic, and are out to get you

I don’t personally have a stepparent, but I feel that the message Disney sends about evil stepmothers is unfair and outright cruel. As a young lad I was paranoid my parents would divorce and my father would re-marry. In order to counter the witchcraft of the evil woman who my father would replace my mother with, I enlisted my G.I. Joes and my Beanie Babies (hey, I was a kid, OK? We all had them) to form a defense force to fight fire with fire. I even enlisted Pvt. Jones to be my spell shield to take the hit for me. My Beanie Babies would all take turns sampling my food and there was no way in hell I’d ever eat any of her apples.

2. A kiss is the cure-all to death

Seriously, Walt, do you really want children to believe in this? We’d have people making out with their grandparents in order to spend one more day talking to Grandpa Bob about the old days in World War II. This is just too bizarre for me to fully fathom.

3. It’s OK to talk to animals, even more so if they talk back to you

Yes, Ariel, you can become a human, but the moment you stop to fill Flounder in on what’s going on you’ll be put into a magical room with soft walls, and you’ll get to wear a nice jacket that allows 24/7 hugs. Not OK, people.

4. If you break into song, everyone around you will know the lyrics and follow along with you

Ah yes, the early stages of the Glee fantasy. More than likely if you try this (like I have) you’ll be joining Ariel in the magical room with your own hugging jacket. What fun and misadventure Disney has allowed us to embark on.

5. Happily ever after happens all the time.

Tell that to the divorce attorneys with their ads in the Yellow Pages. Even better, go to downtown San Diego at the corner of Rosecrans Street and Sports Arena Boulevard and you’ll see the “Quick Divorce” billboard right across from the wedding chapel they have there.

I love Disney as much as anyone else who’s ever existed; I just find it strange that these are the messages I’ve been allowing myself to adhere to as a child and as an adult.

Now I’m going to go and watch “Tangled” and allow myself a dose of reality for a change.