PASS

In a recent Pizza Hut commercial, two enormous, buttery “cheesy bites” are hurled into a gargantuan bowl of marinara sauce to an epic, slowmo splash. Suddenly, two mirrored pepperoni pizzas (with finger-like “cheesy bites” instead of crust) spin real slow like a turntable. Obviously, such an epic piece rock ‘n’ roll video requires an epic rock ‘n’ roll song.

Inevitably, the guys at Pizza Hut had a jam sesh and came up with something that sounded a lot like the Black Keys’ growling-organ and clapping tune, Gold on the Ceiling, to soundtrack its gyrating pies. The Grammy-winning band, clearly jealous that the pizza franchise had upstaged the group in terms of street cred, sued the company for improperly using its song and settled outside of court Tuesday.

Pizza Hut denies having copied the song, and we totally understand; both ventures of art were so similar in nature that they were bound to sound alike. Whereas the Black Keys backed the lyrics, “Strung up. Strung out. I just can’t go without,” Pizza Hut tried to capture the gritty reality of jonesing for some ’za.

Good work.

FAIL

Angus T. Jones, the adorable lil guy who stars in CBS’s Two and a Half Men tentatively hinted that all 14 million viewers–who tune in to see what shenanigans he and his fictional squirrely father get into with the billionaire playboy who owns their house–are probably on the path to hell.

In a YouTube video posted by the Forerunner Christian Church, Jones suggested that the show, in which the guy who played the coiffed Duckie in Pretty in Pink bumbles through serial monogamy at the dismay of the guy best known for coyly pointing a Nikon Coolpix camera, is actually a deceptive front for Satan.

“A lot of people don’t like to think about how deceptive the enemy is,” Jones said. “He’s been doing this for a lot longer than any of us have been around … There’s no playing around when it comes to eternity.”

Apparently, Satan has overlooked war, famine and childhood illness, going straight at you with the latest episode of a third-ranked CBS show, “Something My Gynecologist said,” in which the squirrelly Duckie dad loses his girlfriend to his fear of commitment, and the shaggy photographer does it with an old lady.

Tuesday, Jones issued a professional apology, still unsure if calling his salacious sitcom the work of Beelzebub was disrespectful or if working for a satanic television show was, in fact, a blessing.

“I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed,” Jones said.

But for someone who’s being pretty outlandish, Jones is also making a lot of sense:

“Please stop watching it,” Jones said. “Please stop filling your head with filth.”