Today, I’m gonna go political on your butt.

I’m sure Facebook is reminding you well enough that today’s Election Day—the day in which the fate of our country as we know it will be decided by the American people and the Electoral College.

No pressure or anything, first-time voters. Myself included.

I’m sure you also have friends who make a point not to vote because, “It doesn’t matter who we vote for because we live in Illinois.” You yourself might feel this way, and maybe that’s why you’re playing Halo 4 instead.

I just got to wondering—why do people make a huge stink about voting? Yes, it’s important to participate so you have leverage to bitch about governmental policy, but all that really needs to happen is that you do at least a decent job at researching all sides, wait your turn and then cast your vote.

Or, as it was in my case, wait my turn, get a “First-time voter!” cheer from the entire township center, and then cast my vote.

I’m sure you don’t need me to remind you twice, but this isn’t a right for everybody. In fact, in this sense, we’re pretty lucky we have somewhat of a voice in who we elect for president or, (debatably) more importantly, Congress.

Ladies, I’m talking to you in particular. This wasn’t always our right, even in this country. I’m not your mother and I can’t tell you what to do, but here’s my fair warning: If I hear you complain about the glass ceiling, 75 cents per dollar and double standards in general one more time and you didn’t vote in this election, I’m going to puke my political guts all over your Gucci shoes.

And then I got to wondering—so many people have horrible things to say about Romney and Obama, regardless of political affiliation. As a result, some people I know have voted for someone completely different.

What if that someone completely different won the race? What if Libertarian Gary Johnson or Green Party candidate Jill Stein became president without being involved in any significant campaigning that would gain public knowledge? What if people were so fed up with either Mitt Romney or Barack Obama that they just went a completely different direction when they cast their votes?

I wouldn’t be sure if I should laugh or I should cry—and even the cry would be somewhere in-between happiness and grief for our country’s stability.

Either way, it would be terrifyingly hilarious.