Whatever Internet browser you choose, the simple fact is your web history says a lot about you. It’s likely your browser knows more about you than you realize.

Should you find yourself perusing the web in the next few days, I dare you to just look at your browsing history. You’ll be shocked at how you ended up at some of the pages you did, much in the same way that you start off by watching a video of a surfing squirrel on YouTube and end up watching a video of a guy doing karate in his mother’s basement in bicycle shorts.

The Internet is a wonderful place, but your habits within it can be a big tell as to how your mind is functioning. I hope to help out with some friendly tips on how to remove yourself from the virtual world and enjoy life as it is.

Facebook and Twitter users are the easiest to spot as their high levels of social paranoia are clear to even the most rookie people watchers. Because of their need to be in the loop, those with constant hits on the social sphere are bound to find themselves worried about what others think of them. My best advice is to go off the grid for a few days and let the electronic world pass you by. Go camping, play frisbee or move to Thailand for a weekend. Do whatever it takes to stay disconnected from your profile, and you’ll soon see your life return to normal.

Those who notice a lot of visits to sites like Reddit and StumbleUpon are going to find themselves flashing between consciousness as their brains constantly try to handle all the information and pictures of adorable kittens they’ve just encountered. It’ll be hard for you Internet fiends to readjust to everyday life without 4G coverage and instant gratification. My best advice is to visit a library and chill out with a good book; it’ll help to be invested in a story that isn’t changing and doesn’t involve too many puppies playing volleyball, as this will delegitimize the whole healing process. As someone who has been to my fair share of Reddit Anonymous meetings, I know just how hard it can be to quit, but it’s worthwhile, I promise.

Now onto those of you whose browser history is always empty. This tells the world that you’ve seen things that even you can’t justify or handle knowing you’ve seen. You should know that life gets easier with time after seeing something traumatizing on the Web. Try to block out the awfulness that is the dark corners of the interblags, and move on.

Overall, I’ll leave you with the awe-inspiring idea that the real world is way better than the virtual copy. Leave your laptop at home, turn off the phone and just look around. You’ll meet real people, have real memories, and if you’re lucky, you’ll still see squirrels on a surfboard.