10. Take the GRE: It’s supposed to assess your readiness for graduate work. To me, it only measures your test-taking ability and your capacity for useless vocabulary. Luckily, your score is only one of several factors in the admission process.

9. Spend a large amount of time in another country where I don’t know the language: It’s tough to express your ideas to people who don’t understand you. It makes for a lot of frustrating moments.

8. Teach junior high: Think long and hard before you take a job teaching middle school. It seems fun at first because the students are full of energy and more verbal than the little ones. It gets old quickly. Think hormones, hormones and more hormones. After eight years, I’m ready to try something new.

7. Face the death of a close relative with young children: This is such a devastating thing to witness not only because of the immediate grief, but because of the subsequent problems it creates.

6. Shop department stores: Where I live there’s been a proliferation of so-called designer second-hand stores (think Clothes Mentor and Plato’s Closet). These aren’t like typical thrift stores that take all donations.

These stores are clean and well-organized. They’re also pretty selective; they will turn down outdated, scratched or torn merchandise (I’ve had stuff rejected enough to know). On my tight budget it’s hard to justify buying new when I can get nice, used things for a low price.

5. Move back in with my parents: I’m on my second tour of duty at my parents’ house. They are really wonderful people. I just think adults should never live under the same roof unless they’re married to each other or in college.

4. Allow money to rule my life: For some people, money is life and life is all about making money. I respect that; it’s just not how I chose to live.

When my son grows up, he’ll remember we had time to stop by a park or make cupcakes “just because.” It’s not likely he’ll remember he wore brand name clothes.

3. File bankruptcy: Nine years ago I wasn’t making enough to pay my bills. I got overwhelmed and took the easy way out. If I had a redo, I would suffer through it. A few years of bad credit is better than a guaranteed seven years of “bankruptcy” appearing on your credit report.

2. Do something I don’t love: “Find a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” While I don’t buy into this quote completely, I do believe you’ll be happier following your passions in life.

1. Get a colonoscopy: As of this writing, I have not had solid food in a day and a half. I’ve been subsisting on Jell-O, yellow Gatorade and clear chicken broth. I’m getting ready for a test where someone will ram a tube, ahem, where the sun doesn’t shine.

Worse yet, I have to chug a gallon of cherry-flavored laxative. Don’t do it. Just don’t do it.