Don’t blame all men when your heart breaks

Katie Finlon

“Don’t worry; it gets easier.”

I’ve heard that line more than a few times — from friends, family and even neighbors. And it’s always after I’m back to being single.

They’re not wrong, mind you. It usually does get easier. The problem is that it takes forever for it to get easier.

After landing in this position a few times, I’ve come to realize the following: It doesn’t matter how sane the break-up may be, the following insanity, to some extent, is inevitable.

For example — even if I was happily single, I would never have the uncontrollable urge to buy things from infomercials. But in my current position, all I want to do is to buy the Perfect Tortilla Bowl set and eat all of the taco salads.

Maybe I’ll accomplish all of this on my parents’ couch in my cheetah-print Snuggie while watching Titanic. Maybe I’ll finally participate in the debate about whether Rose can make enough room for Jack to fit on that stupid door.

I’m sure that you might find it cliché that a girl columnist is writing about breaking up. This girl columnist, however, is putting a spin on the usual “men suck” tirade.

Number one: No matter how irrationally mad and borderline psychotic I may be, I will never say that all guys suck, no matter how tempting it might be.

Like it or not, ladies, that’s simply not true. Look at your guy friends or other guys you associate yourselves with. Look at the guy who’s been trying to get you while you dismiss him for another guy who treats you horribly.

Guys, I know you say that we suck, too. And sometimes, we do. The same goes for you — what about the girl who knows you better than you know yourself, and yet you try so hard to pursue the girl who doesn’t even give you the time of day?

Personally, I see it as a cop-out to blame a gender when a breakup had everything to do with a specific problem or a specific person.

Or multiple specific problems.

Also, I know not all girls say this, but number two: I get legitimately angry when a girl says, “I can’t trust any man but my daddy.”

That’s crap. I’m sure your dad is a good guy, but he’s not perfect. If he’s anything like my dad, he’ll even admit it. But oh my God, if you’re not going to trust people, at least be fair and not discriminatory to a specific sex.

And, while we’re heading in this direction, let’s talk about standards.

I have a certain vendetta against Nicholas Sparks within this realm. Number three: Not every guy will be like the male protagonists from The Notebook and The Last Song. Simply put, it’s fiction for a reason.

My intention isn’t to make you as bitter as I am, especially at the moment. It’s just a reminder that, after sitting on the couch writing about a recently single routine, you need to get up and be realistic about what you want – not what you think should happen.