Parker Happ:

Some of my married friends shared that their wedding bands, instead of preventing pursuit from females, actually attracts them. These men face unwanted social pressures everyday.

Let’s say a married man decides to party with the bros for a night. His thought process is as follows: First he’d choose an idea – in this case partying – then choose a destination for his event – possibly a bar – and finally invite people along for an optimal party. With the right bros, it is possible to have unadulterated fun. Alas, it’s all fun and games until the married guy gets whipped by the wife.

Debauchery of any sort is acceptable as long as couples set clear ground rules for each other when dealing with home wreckers. If a wedding ring is like credibility forged on your finger, and some women intentionally pursue taken men. The simple fact remains that partying or not, a strong ethical compass is necessary so you won’t find yourself flirting with divorce.

Deciding to make the commitment of spending the rest of your life with someone certainly warrants much celebration and partying. When the champagne fizzles out, questions can rise between couples concerning social lives. An example: whether it is or isn’t kosher to party with the bros? The answer is party anytime, so long as you manage intensions and expectations.

This week, I polled a few students to see what they thought about flirting while keeping their opinions on a delicate subject confidential. One student voiced how flirting is not cheating because there has to be intent to start something else. Interestingly enough, those in my sample who had cheated in the past were more likely to mention physical transgressions only when defining cheating. Additionally, the same people who cheated once in the past tended to believe flirting as something that happens all the time, is natural during human interaction and can be confused for someone with a outgoing personality.

Confusing outgoing for flirting isn’t exclusive to non-cheaters however. Many students asserted that it simply isn’t their fault if confused intension results from conversation because they were in fact just being friendly. Clearly, it’s the other person’s misjudgment to confuse their smile and a wink with a long term relationship, 2.5 children and a house with a picket fence.

Of all student ideas one opinion stuck out: “Cheating is whatever cheating is as determined by you and your significant other.” This perspective requires couples to outwardly, instead of internally, manage expectations. Relationships involve teamwork and it’s irrational to force upon partners your own personal agenda or rules. That said, debauchery rules so long as you rule, with rules.

Colin Remes:

Here’s the scenario: You’re at a party, bar, fraternity house, etc. and you strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive. The conversation flows nicely, they laugh, you laugh and you seem to be clicking well. Then about 20 to 30 minutes into the conversation one of their friends comes up and informs you that the person you have been flirting with has a boyfriend/girlfriend, a fiance or is even married.

As a man I can really only speak to the male perspective on this particular experience, but I promise I will do my best to keep it as gender neutral as possible because I’m sure all men and women, heterosexual or homosexual have or will experience this at some point in their life.

Here’s the thesis: If you are engaged or married you have no business at a frat party or bar where you keep the fact that you are engaged or married secret in order to flirt with single people.

A situation like this one happened to me recently. Not only did I feel like a scum bag because I was hitting on another man’s fiance, but I was annoyed that I could have spent that time doing just about anything else that would have not made me feel that way, including talking to someone single.

You might be thinking, “Did she have a ring on?”. Yes, she did. But if you’re flirting with someone at a frat party, I’m only going to assume you’re single, so sue me.

Next question, “It’s just a little harmless flirting, what can it hurt?” Fact is, it is not harmless, and it can hurt. According to infidelityfacts.com more than half of women (54%) and men (57%) surveyed admitted to cheating in a relationship that they have had in the past. There is no way you can convince me that the behavior of going to a bar or party without your significant other, and not letting anyone know about it, does not contribute to that. Especially when drinking is involved.

We all know alcohol lowers inhibitions, and many of us college students have made a decision we regretted such as “hooking up” with someone we shouldn’t have. Doesn’t matter if you’re a lady or a fella, if you spend a significant amount of time flirting with someone just to find out they are taken, I can imagine you wouldn’t think too highly of that person.

It’s hard enough for us singles out here without the added obstacle of avoiding non-single people who just want to flirt. While I’m flirting with you under false pretenses, an awesome lady I could have had a great time with is leaving and maybe wondering why I didn’t talk to her.